Break...

Well, bloggers, its that time of the year again. One word: EXAMS. I have five coming up in January and I plan to fail all of them. Its quite comical really, I went from getting A*'s at GCSE, to getting U's on every single test I've ever sat at A Level. Wait. No, I told a lie, I once got an E on my psychology mock...


So, in the interest of pushing my grades up, this is the last post I'm going to do on here until after my last exam (the 20th of January, if anyones wondering). If you're that desperate to keep up to date with my ramblings, I just started a tumblr (how much of a hipster am I?). You can find that here. Basically, its easier and quicker to post a couple of pictures than write a whole essay for you to read. Its only until the end of January though, I promise. Then I'll get back to my usual rambling, ranting, boring old self. 


Also, since I'm not going to be posting for a while, I'm going to be nice for a change. A few people have asked me to put my dailybooth back up because they didn't get to see it the first time round. So, until the end of January, when I shall return, you can see what I look like here. 


So, yea, until after my exams, bye....

Creative Writing 2...

So, I'm doing another one of them posts where I show you my homework. Sorry! Don't worry though, its not maths or chemistry or anything boring like that, its creative writing! Yay.... 
so this was a group activity, we're each writing as though we're a different person affected by an earthquake. Sounds cheerful, doesn't it? 

The lift pinged as I stepped out. I was running late, as usual Quickly, I darted to my desk, numerous files, notebooks and folders threatening to slip from my grip, the coffee that I'd just bought balancing precariously on the top. I got to my desk and let out a sigh of relief. It was Friday, only seven more hours until I could leave my mundane desk job and celebrate the start of the weekend. I dropped the files on the desk. I had just sat down when I heard it. The building itself seemed to shake as the low rumble ran its course though the offices; turning faces to shock, surprise and terror, as the noise reached the one by one. My first thought was that the air conditioning must really be playing up today. Everyone elses thoughts seemed to be a little more sinister. People began running in all directions, dropping work across the floor, creating a carpet of paper that the crowds slipped and fell on, causing even more panic. 
I got slowly to my feet, a frown etched across my forehead. Why was everyone making such a fuss? I dropped my coffee as the second growl ripped its was across the floor. Well, it was safe to say that it wasn't the air conditioning. Ignoring the mess that the coffee had made, I grabbed my phone and made for the lift. 
The floor was almost empty now, those too impatient must have gone down the stairs. As I turned the corner, there was a queue of about eight people waiting for the lift, all looking as confused as I was. The door pinged familiarly as I reached it, and we all just about managed to squeeze into the claustrophobic space.
The door shut, sealing us from the outside world. Creeping slowly down the many floors, we all looked worried. I had to admit, I would be happy to see solid ground again. Sixteen floors to go. Fifteen, now. Fourteen. At thirteen, we stopped. The doors opened to show more confused faces, which quickly changed to disappointment as they realised just how full the lift was, many turning towards the stairs. The doors shut. Twelve. Eleven. Ten. Nine. Eight...
We never made it to seven. The lift shuddered to a stop as the third ground shattering tremor hit. The cables that kept us from dropping back to earth creaked threateningly. We were forced to grab onto each other as the lift lurched back and forward, from one side to another. 
Realisation seemed to hit us one by one. I could hear screams from both above and below us, but none coming from directly outside the door. So here I was, in the middle of an earthquake, stuck somewhere between floors seven and eight. 
All screams stopped and a deathly silence made us all to aware of what was about happen. As the fourth, and final tremor hit, we dropped. 


So, what do you guys think? I'm off to bed, so yeah. Byeee.....

January...

Why, hello there! I'm surprised you're even reading this, considering that I haven't posted in so long! Tut, tut, inconsistent blogging. So, a rather quick post today, because, well, I'm tired...

January. So, I've mentioned before that last January, I had a bit of a rough time. I've never really told anyone about this, not even my really, really close friends, so this is kind of a big deal. Last January, I was kind of in a bad place. I'm trying to do this without it sounding really cliche, but I'm failing slightly. 

In about June 2010, I was screwed over by my old friends. I'd considered them my best friends for about six years, and suddenly, they wanted nothing to do with me. I'm going to admit, it hurt. I suddenly found myself without many friends, and thinking that anyone who tried to be my friend was going to hurt me. Nice, right? I spent about 3 months not talking at all during school, and eating my lunch in the art rooms, on my own. 

Over that summer, I made new friends. And, well, I love them all to bits, and couldn't live without them. I started to trust people a bit more, and I became a little bit more confident in school. 

In January, I kind of took a step backwards. I was having a rough time in lessons, I was starting to get paranoid that my friends were going behind my back and stuff and to be honest, I was in a shit mood constantly. I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did in January. Literally it was every night, I would cry myself to sleep. Its hard to explain, but things started to pile up in my head. One little paranoid thought would lead to a mountain of really unlikely scenarios, which I would convince myself were going to happen. I would go for days without eating in order to get control over something. I contemplated suicide. It sounds stupid writing it out like this, but at the time I was completely overwhelmed. 

It took me a while to get back to my 'normal' self. I've still got a couple of issues that I'm sorting out. The eating things a big one. I still can't eat in front of people that I don't trust, which is ridiculously annoying! I hate it when I think people are looking at me, or talking about me - it just makes me paranoid. I hate not feeling included in something. If someone says something like "Do you think tha- Oh, never mind...", I can't let it go. I have to know exactly what people are thinking around me. 

So, yeah, thats basically what happened in January. 

If anyone from my school is reading this (I know a few people found my blog via my boyfriend's), please do me a huge favour and don't tell anyone? I don't really fancy the idea the whole school knowing this...thanks. 

Sorry for the depressing nature of this post. I promise I'll do something a little bit more like my usual self next time. For now, byeeeeee.....

17 Reasons...

So, todays is my boyfriends birthday. I kind of directed him here through his birthday card, so he's probably going to be reading this, everyone else can zone out now...


Well, this is kind of part of your birthday present, since you keep going on at me to blog more! ;)


17 Reasons I Love You


1. You write amazing blog posts that give me butterflies, especially the ones where you talk about us. Thats why I make such a big deal when you change the url and don't tell me.


2. You put up with having me as a girlfriend. That in itself must take a good amount of patience.


3. Your hair. Enough said, really.


4. The jokes that you tell that I pretend to find totally un-hilarious, but inside, I'm dying to burst out laughing.


5. The fact that you care more about my school grades than your own wants. That means a lot.


6. You're willing to wait. You want whats best for us, not what everyone else says.


7. Deep down you're a huge, huge nerd, but you somehow manage to cover it quite well. Apart from the fact that you're obviously cheating on me with your english teacher, that kind of gives away the game...


8. That I will always be able to kick your ass at poker.


9. How I've only known you for less that 3 months, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. I've never felt so comfortable around anyone, ever.


10. How I can tell you anything without the fear of being laughed at, or you taking it the wrong way.


11.  That I end up loving you more and more, each time I see you.


12. How you put up with the constant beard, height and other jokes that everyone seems to make. Three words: "That sounds familiar...". As you can tell, I'm really quite proud of that one.


13. Your 'sensual' voice. Not my words, your english teacher's. 


14. The annoying fact that you're right 99.8% of the time.


15. The cute notes that you make your brother and sister give me when you're off school. Yeah, they make me smile. A lot.


16. How you can cheer me up, even when I'm in the worst moods known to mankind.


17. I just love you. End of. 




So, yea, Happy Birthday! As you can tell, I so love you more! ;)

Creative Writing...

So, I've recovered after my little 'emotional overspill', as one of my friends called it earlier. Last week, I had my first creative writing lesson. Its weird going back to english after about 5 months of only doing maths and science based subjects. As you've probably gathered, I love english, but as a student, I present quite a dilemma to who ever has to mark my writing. I'm apparently quite good at writing, but I go about it the wrong way. If this makes any sense. You know how everyone has a voice in their head that sort of tells them what to write? No, I'm not mad. Well, the voice in my head, which dictates what I write, like to think of itself as humorous. Which is in someways good, but in someways bad. Like last year, my english teacher totally got my sense of humour, so I got pretty damn good grades, but my english teacher before that constantly gave me c's. Can you imagine what I was like in the exam? For two months, I was literally praying that the marker would have a decent sense of humour. 


So anyway, for my homework, I had to write a couple of paragraphs of a memoir. I hate writing memoirs. So, I'm stealing the idea from my boyfriends blog and posting my homework up on here. I got a bit carried away; its way longer than a few paragraphs, more like an essay if I'm being honest, so if you're not interested, zone out now...

The Beach

Most people say, “Oh, I wish we live by the beach! It must be so relaxing! I would go everyday!” Its a shame that most of them have never been to the north east, or have even seen the weather forecast for Newcastle. The weather in this lovely little part of the North East could be described as ‘unpredictable’, and on average it rains for 132.6 days per year. Not exactly beach weather, I think you’ll agree? Still, we “Geordies” will insist on sunbathing in the seven degree summer when it comes round, even if it means lying under an umbrella.

One particularly cold and wintry summer, we were blessed with what the weatherman promised would be, “ an unusually pleasant day, with little chance of rain”. Considering that it was in the third or forth week of the summer holidays, and so far we had had gale force winds, rain and possibly snow, I was reasonably pleased with this sudden change in weather. Practically falling out of bed in excitement, I grabbed my phone and began frantically texting four of my closest friends, in what could only be described as grammatically incorrect gibberish. We arranged to meet at twelve o’clock right in the middle of town. That gave me just enough time to wash my hair; find clothes; iron clothes; dry hair; straighten hair; put on clothes; change my mind about clothes; change clothes and pack a beach bag. Sorted.

I met the girls at quarter to one. It turned out hat we’d all overestimated our ability to get ready in less than two hours and all ended up stumbling into the town centre after either an unanticipated jog or, at its least, very brisk walk. We all looked as though we had been dragged through own individual hedge’s backwards, so before we went anywhere, we had a little impromptu visit to Costa to sort our hair out and get a couple of iced coffees for the walk down to the beach.  

The beach itself was, and still is to this day, a two mile strip of golden sand that gradually gets darker the closer to the grey sea you get. Over one side of the beach there is a dull, concrete pier, on which fishermen sit, constantly whipping fishing lines back and forth. Jagged rocks and cliffs line both sides of the sand, creating a block for the wind and the impression of a secluded little cove. Today, though, the dark sea lapped threateningly at the rocks, like a clawed hand trying to pull itself out of the icy water.  There were quite a few people on the beach, the usual array of dog walkers and mad, idiot surfers (honestly, you see them in winter sometimes); but with the addition of sunbathers who had managed to fill the entire two mile beach with what looked like a patchwork quilt made of beach towels. Most of them had undoubtedly seen the same weather report as I had, many of them quoting it as we walked passed.

“Can you believe this unexpected change in weather?”

“No, I can’t quite believe it! So unpredictable isn’t it?”

I couldn’t help but agree. We found a rare space at the far end of the beach, just enough room for five towels without the need to overhear everything the family next to us was saying. We sat around for the next few hours, not doing anything particularly interesting: listened to some music, read some magazines, general talking, the occasional paddle before coming to the conclusion that the water was about minus seven degrees. Not the most pleasurable of swimming temperatures. We had just started the disposable barbecue (burgers and chicken), when the first signs of trouble started. The previously clear blue sky began to cloud over into a mass of towering dark grey, casting a shadow across the entire length of the beach. People began to leave. We glanced nervously at each other, saying nothing, but concentrating on cooking the chicken properly.  

        Minutes ticked by, and we thought that maybe, maybe we would hit lucky.

No such luck. 

We had just settled down to a burger each, when it started. The familiar, steady pitter patter of rain droplets sounded on the sand around us. We all looked at each others, absolutely livid. Typical. 

I'm aware that its pretty shit. So, what do you guys think? Considering that I haven't wrote anything 'properly' in a good few months, I'm reasonably pleased with myself. So yeah, chemistry test tomorrow. Bricking it, doesn't even cover it. Byeee....

Paranoid...

So I've had a pretty shit 22 hours as far as boys are concerned. 

So last night, until about 7, my boyfriend came round to mine, which was lovely. But then, not an hour after he left, he messaged me on facebook. He basically spent an hour telling me that we shouldn't spend as much time together because he's worried about me failing school. This is the boy who keeps telling me to stay off when I'm mildly ill, and bunk lessons with him. Confused? So was I.


Then we had the 'sex talk'. Now, as far as I'm concerned, I've made it pretty obvious to him that I'm not ready for that sort of stuff. We've only been seeing each other for a little over two months, and to be honest I don't really want to go that far yet. So why he presumes that I'm almost ready is beyond me. Lately, he's been talking a lot about when we're going to do it, but at the same time saying that he doesn't want to plan it. Apparently the christmas holidays are the best time. If anything, this is putting me off the idea of it more. I don't want him to presume that we're going to do it then. Sure, his friends were having sex by the time they'd been going out for two months, but he's got to get it into his head that I'm not that friend. 


So apparently, even though I'm no longer allowed to see him on weekdays, I'm supposed to be ready for sex a lot earlier than I anticipated. Nice. Whats even more confusing is that at the same time, he's messaging me going "I want you to be sure that you're ready, and that you're not just doing it to make me happy." ...err. 


Another thing that I've just remembered thats annoying me. He's worried that my parents are going to walk in on us while we're doing stuff. So he won't do stuff to me, but will quite happily let me do stuff to him. If you catch my drift. It doesn't annoy me at the time, but a little while after, it starts to get annoying as! I get why last night, just its happened two or three times now, and it always follows the same pattern. I don't usually mind if I'm 'giving' or 'receiving', but its just blatant double standards when he says that we can't, but then we do. Realising that probably made no sense to anyone but me...


Even though I'm not 'allowed' to see him on weekdays anymore, I get the feeling his friends still are. For example, today, I hardly saw him, but when I did, he mentioned that he was at Romeo and Juliet rehearsals after school. An hour later, I saw one of his mates, who implied that he was going to his house after school. Now, the fact that he wants to spend time with his mates doesn't bother me in the slightest, the only time it remotely does is when I get the feeling that his girl mates like him. But since our discussion last night, I don't know what to think. I wouldn't have minded in the slightest if he'd said that he was going round to his mates house, its more the fact that he might have lied to me. 


I know that he probably hasn't lied to me, and that I'm probably just being stupid, but after talking last night, I'm more paranoid than ever. Which I didn't think was possible. Its stupid, suddenly all the confidence that I'd got from being in a relationship, kind of vanished. I was getting better at the whole 'holding hands and kissing in public' sort of thing, but I feel like all thats gone out the window. I don't know why, its frustrating. 


The fact is, I love him, but I don't want to get hurt again. 


So I've just been talking to him now. He never lied to me, I'm just paranoid. I hate feeling like this. 


Another reason why I'm having a bad day. I got hit on today. By a year 9. I'm in year 12. FML. He looked like he was deadly serious too. 


So, yeah I'm sorry about this post. I feel guilty about writing it, I just needed to get a load of shit off my chest, and well this blogs kind of turning into my punch bag. I feel like I annoy my friends when I go on about stuff like this. So yeah, thats all for now, byeee....


p.s. Never, and I mean NEVER tell a girl that you want to make the relationship more 'casual'. Especially if you know she's having a shit week to start with. It will only lead to tears and her thinking that you're dumping her over facebook.  

Dailybooth...

So I promised a few weeks ago that I'd show you guys my dailybooth. This post is only going to be up for 24 hours, before I delete it and go back to my anonymous self. So make the most of it! My dailybooth can be found here. You have 24 hours. Time starts NOW.


Mwahaha! Your time is up! Sorry guys, but I'm back to my anonymous self again. 

Nervous...

So a few weeks ago, I wrote a post, in which I mention my boyfriends blog. A few days later he asked me to delete it so that people wouldn't be able to find his blog. Now, seeing as I'm the more experienced blogger in the relationship, he's asked me to advertise it again. Make up your mind?! So anyway, you can find his blog here. He's a better writer than me, so theres new posts up every couple of days. Its weird, you'll notice a kind of parallel between our blogs; I apparently talk a lot about boys (apparently) and he talks a lot about girls.


So I'm going round to his tomorrow for sunday lunch, and well, I'm kind of nervous. I've mentioned that I'm weird about eating, so thats not going to help, and to be honest, I'm ridiculously shy anyway. I have an awful feeling that I'm going to mess up and his parents are going to end up hating me or something. Anyway, wish me luck?


I know its been a short post today, but my family is doing a stupid Come Dine With Me type thing, so I'm being called downstairs. Kill. Me. Now. So yeah, byeee....

Bad Day...

So a reasonably short post today. 

I thought today was going to be a good day. It started off well anyway, but its gradually increased in shitty-ness though out the day. Now I feel like crying and I have no idea why. Pmt? Probably. I just want to snuggle up in bed and go to sleep. And hibernate until May. Seems logical. I need a cuddle. The reasons why today was so shit, I hear you ask? Well, heres why:

1. I have failed every single one of my subjects. I'm getting U's for christ sake. I spend the whole of chemistry trying not to burst into tears. I know this sounds pathetic, but schools has been the only ever thing I've been reasonably good at. I'm the 'smart' one of the family, but I feel like my reputation in dying slightly. 

2. I feel like Januarys coming again. Which is true, but, meh. I've never told you guys what happened last January, so I'm tempted to do a proper post on it soon. Maybe. Well, it was mainly the reason that I started this blog. Its kind of hard to explain though, so I'll do a proper post on it later. Very conclusive, I know.

3. And finally, more than anything, I miss my boyfriend. I feel like I'm never seeing him. Its hard. I don't want to seem clingy, but at the same time, its really getting to me. What makes it worse is that, in reality, I'm still seeing him everyday. Yet again, school is messing up my love life.

So theres nothing else really that comes to head. Now i come to think about it, its probably pmt. Seems most likely anyway. Benefits of being a girl. So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed my very depressing post for tonight, byeee...

 

A very bizarre day...

So today has been, well, a bit bizarre to be totally honest! Heres why:

So, I woke up bizarrely early, like 9 a.m., which I'm quite proud of considering its the school holidays! Bizarre!


My boyfriend came round for 10 a.m. Well, heres where it starts getting a little bit weird. I was feeling kind of confident, so we went further than we normally do. Third base, my friends. Thats right, I said it - Third Base! Hands up if you're proud of me for not freaking out like the old nerdy me would have? I don't know why people make a bit deal out of it. Other girls have said its 'demoralising' and, well just a bit 'horrible'.  Meh, its not that big a deal. I can see how it could be horrible, but luckily I'm with a guy who I trust a hell of a lot. So in theory, at the risk of sounding a little bit whorish and slutty, I kind of liked third base, I mean its not exactly hard, is it? Well, liked is the wrong word. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, is how I should put it. Second base was worse if you ask me...If thats possible for a girl to think...Bizarre!


Earlier tonight, I went out for a meal. So, this is kind of a big deal because I've never really told anyone this before, so brace your self! I'm not the best with eating things in front of people. To me, eating in front of someone is like a huge deal. I need to really trust someone before I'll eat anything in front of them. I don't know why, its a confidence thing I think, I'm scared they'll laugh or something. Its awkward. I don't eat lunch in school, especially if we're in a crowded room. It took me ages to trust myself to eat in front of my boyfriend. He keeps trying to take me out for meals, which is, as you can imagine, is horrible for me to turn down. So anyway, usually when I go out for a meal with my parents, I'll eat very little, if anything at all. Quite proud of myself. Today I had two courses. It might not sound like a big deal, but trust me, it is. Bizarre!


When we got back, I thought I'd somehow managed to upset my boyfriend. I hadn't, and I was just being paranoid, but if you've read all my other posts, you'll realise that I'm always a little bit antsy when it comes to boys. I'm always worried that I'm going to get hurt. You can see why I was freaking out today. I mean, its basically been programmed into my head through TV shows, movies and especially books that there are guys out there who just want someone easy, that they'll leave the next day and brag to their friends about. So you can see why I freaked out, third base and all that. I should know better by now. I mean I trust my boyfriend so much, so why do I still panic about stuff like this? You want an answer? I love him. There. If he hurts me, I know its going to hurt a hell of a lot more than it did with the other dickheads I've had the luck of wandering upon. I'd trust him with my life, and that my friends, is bizarre. 


So reading this back, its not really been that much of a bizarre day. Well it has been for me, but I imagine for the average person, it would have been, well, average. Yeah, sorry for the build up. Anyway, I've got to go, so I'll hopefully blog some more soon. Byeeeee....

A Long Post...

Going to try and do a long post. Ofth. Thats right, a long post! The plan is that because its half term next week, and I've got no homework in for tomorrow, that I can actually spend all night blogging. So we'll see how long I can blog for. Well, its 5.45p.m. now, so we'll see how it goes...

School today was stressful. We have five periods a day,  four of which I had tests in. Not fun. I think I've managed to pass psychology, but maths I've almost definitely failed. It was one of those awkward tests where you're allowed to go once you're finished. Most the people in my maths class are genius. Now, the thing is, I finished the test quite quickly, before anyone had left, and I'd found it quite easy. But all the genius people were still working. Awkward. So evidently, I've under-complicated everything. So thats maths failed! Then I had 'lunch'. Notice the quotation marks around lunch. I spent my lunch hour revising for the two tests that I had this afternoon. The only place that I could find quiet enough to actually work was in one of the science labs, and its a rule in my school that you're not allowed to eat in the science labs. Feel my pain yet? Its not even the afternoon yet and I've had two tests and nothing to eat! Eurgh, then I had chemistry and biology tests. I failed both. So after all of this, I finally get to go home to, wait for it.... MATHS TUTORING!  How lucky am I? As you can imagine, I'm tired as now...

Today I had my last critical thinking lesson. Joy to the world. You'd think a lesson based around the idea of arguing with your teacher would be fun, wouldn't you? Its not. We spent our last lesson arguing over whether the death penalty was right or not. The other classes argued over pies. My friends class actually got to eat pies. I was jealous. Still, starting after half term, we get to do our enrichment choices. Guess what I'm doing? Go on, guess! Creative writing! Oh yeaaaaaaaaa! My boyfriends doing it too, so we might actually get a lesson together for once! I'm actually excited to do english for once. You don't realise how much you miss lessons until you drop them. 

Speaking of said boyfriend, I don't get to see him properly until Sunday. Gutted much? I didn't see him that much today. A Levels are screwing up my love life. He auditioned for Romeo and Juliet the other day. I don't think I've ever seen him so nervous for something, but he got into the top twenty out of sixty auditions! He's such a drama queen! ;) I'm kind of worried though. What happens if he gets the part of Romeo? I don't like the idea of him and some other girl having to kiss constantly and call it 'work'. I'm actually genuinely worried, which is stupid because I love him and would trust him with my life. Still, if he does get to play Romeo, how the hell am I supposed to sit through a performance of him declaring his love for someone else? I don't even know why I'm panicking; he's auditioning for Mercutio. I know what the drama teachers at my school are like though, they'll love him. 

So I'm kind of running out of things to blog about.... Hmm, half term. I'm kind of nervous. I'm going to be spending a lot of time alone with the boyfriend. I'm kind of ridiculously inexperienced at the whole 'intimacy' thing. The thing is, this is my first 'real' relationship and I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I'm terrified that I'm going to do something wrong. Apparently, I'm quite good at this sort of stuff. I'm not sure if my boyfriend is actually telling the truth, or just trying to boost my confidence... 

Just realised that I've had the same song on repeat for the last hour... I've fallen in love with Boyce Avenue... 

In the mood for a scary movie. I'm going to a sleepover on Saturday, so I'll probably get my fix then! So far, on our movie watching list, we have Finding Nemo...Still, the friend who's house I'm going to is slightly obsessed with scary movies so hopefully one will make it on. It should be a good night. Its freaking my boyfriend out though. I forgot to mention earlier, but he's a triplet, and I'm friends with his sister. So yeah, casually going to a sleepover where your boyfriends sister will be...

So, its now 7.30p.m. and I've run out of ideas to talk about. So, yeah, I might do another post later, but for now, byyyeeeeee....

A Short Post...

Hello my lovely readers! So a rather short post today. 


I've got four tests tomorrow. Literally on the verge of a mental breakdown. Never, and I mean never take hard A Levels. I'm convinced maths and chemistry are going to kill me. Its bad because usually I'm so tired from thinking in maths and chemistry that by the time I get to psychology and biology, I want nothing more than to fall asleep at my desk. Meaning that I'm only on C's in all of my subjects. Still, we're only six weeks into sixth form, so I can probably get my grades up! Hopefully...


Anyway, I told you it would be a short post tonight. Its 11p.m. and I'm still rearranging my biology folder because my teacher casually mentioned that he wants to see all of our neat notes tomorrow. I haven't been keeping neat notes. FML. So, yeah, byeeeeee...

One Direction Infection...

So, its my second post of the night. Get me!

 I discovered a song today. Well, technically two songs. They're the same song, but they're totally different. If anyone reading this lives in the UK, you'll be well aware of the One Direction 'infection' that is gripping the nation. Basically, One Direction is a group of five guys who came third on last years X-Factor. They released their first single since the show last week. Now, its not the usual type of music that I listen to, but I'm willing to put up with if, just to hear Harry Styles say that I'm beautiful.


Today though, I also discovered another version of this song. Anyone heard of Boyce Avenue? Phwoar. Screw Harry Styles, if this guy sung this song to me, my heart would melt. Mind, if anyone sung this song to me, my heart would probably melt. Anyway, heres my favourite version of the song.


So, my lovely readers, which is your favourite version? Boyce Avenue all the way, in my opinion. 
So for the second time tonight, byeeeeee....

Breakthrough...

So, I'm going to try and start posting more again. I had a bit of a realisation, and after my little rant last night, today I had quite a good day at school. Sure, I'm behind with work, but its half term next week, so I can catch up then. I passed my psychology test, and even if I fail the others this week, its not the end of the world. 

My boyfriend seems to have the knack for cheering me up. Literally, all he has to do is look at me and I feel like smiling. 


So, speaking of the boyfriend, we had a bit of a breakthrough today. Usually, we follow a strict no public signs of affection rule. My fault. I got screwed over by a guy a few years ago, and ever since, I've hated and signs of affection in public. So, anyway, usually I hate it. I mean, I'm fine with holding hands and stuff outside of school, but inside school, its a bit much, don't you think? Today was different though. I actually kissed him inside school. I think I surprised both of us. Mind, I have had withdrawal symptoms. I had a cold-sore earlier this week, so I haven't been able to kiss him for six days. T'was absolute torture. Strange how I survived 16 years without kissing, then suddenly I found it difficult to last 6 days. It got to the stage where we both reflexively kept going in to kiss each other, but had to pull back at the last moment. Anyway, its all good now, and we can kiss again.

So, as you can probably tell, I've had a really good day today. So, yeah, I'll hopefully blog some more, but for now, byyeeeeeee.....

A Levels...

So I haven't posted in almost a month! Shun! I'm sorry, I really am. Blame my teachers, they HATE me. Also, part of the blame can be given to my boyfriend. Yes, blame him. He's an easy target, you see? 


So, not a lot has changed since my last post. My boyfriend found my blog again, so I changed it back. I prefer the two 'y's' for some reason. What do you think, one 'y' or two? 


I have committed blasphemy and started a dailybooth. I know, right? So if anyone wants to see what I actually look like, comment, and I'll put my link on here. I don't see the point in putting it up if no one is specifically going to read it, it would just leave me open to people from school finding this blog, which to be honest, would equal hell. 


So, boy talk. I've been with him for nearly two months now, and everything is going great. Impressive, right? Me in a genuinely functioning relationship, with I boy who I love to the moon and back. Counting my lucky stars here...


A Levels are tough. You know how we all thought that they were exaggerating when they said that it was like a slap in the face compared to GCSE? They weren't. They're more of a series of continuous punches actually. A word of advice: pick subjects you're good at, and that you actually like, or you'll find yourself in living hell, like me. I took Biology, Chemistry, Maths and Psychology. It is hell on earth. I wish I'd done English Lit and Lang and Art. I miss them. I miss being able to drivel on about books and write and actually get marks for it! I miss being able to read and say that its for school! I miss being able to challenge my teachers, and put my opinions out in a lesson. I miss reading into the early hours of the morning, because I've found a book that I love more than life itself. I miss writing. A lot. And because the subjects that I actually took are ridiculously high demanding, I never get the chance to in my own free time either. I'm sick of failing lessons at school. Before sixth form, I'd never failed a test. Ever. Sure I'd got some pretty bad marks, but I'd never sunk so low as to fail. Within two weeks of returning to school, I'd failed six tests. I only take four subjects. How is that even possible!? Now, I'm at the bottom of every class, and its killing me! I hate it! Literally, everyone in my lessons are smarter than me. Its actually depressing. I feel another January coming on... Eurgh, I can't be dealing with that again. 


Thats it from me. Its 11.30 p.m. on a school night, I'm still up doing homework, and to be honest, I'm sick of my life. Byeeeeeeeee.....

A bit of a change...

So I got sick of my boyfriend being able to see my blog. I found his again, so he changed his blogs address. Again. He shall never ever get to see what goes on in my mind again. He trying to find it as I type. Mwahahahaha......


So yea, its weird basically starting from scratch. I'll need some help getting the viewing figures back up again!

Dear Bassanio...

So, I haven't really done an 'emotional' post in a while, if at all. Therefore this may be a little different from my usually pointless drivel. A couple of days ago, my boyfriend (code named Bassanio) wrote a blog post about me. This is my reply...


So I met my boyfriend a month on Friday. Literally, met. I'd known him about three hours before we started going out. And, to be honest, even though I've known him for so little time, I can't imagine living without him. He's like the perfect fitting jigsaw piece to me.


Even though I've known him for so little time, I've fallen, quite literally, head over heels for him. I feel like I've known him for my entire life, and I love the simplicity of the relationship that we have. I can't help thinking that if I was with anybody else, it wouldn't be nearly this easy. We're still taking things slow though. He's terrified of me running away if he pushes me too fast. There have only been a couple of times when I've needed to stop him, and theres even been a couple of times that he's needed to stop me! He doesn't want me to do anything that I'll regret, and for that, I'm extremely grateful. He's given me patience, and its blissful to be in a relationship with no pressure.


Never before have I felt so close to a boy. Not just physically, but emotionally too. Its like he knows exactly what I'm thinking, not in a creepy way, but in a 'you don't need to explain yourself' sort of way. For the first time in my life, I can just talk, and he gets it. He doesn't ask questions, or demand an explanation for the way I think, he just accepts it. He might think I'm slightly mad, but he accepts it. And I think I'm starting to understand him better too. Our pasts are both out in the open - we've both been hurt in past relationships, and it feels like we understand each other better because of this. 


Simply put, we just 'get' each other. He knows that when he compliments me out of the blue and whispers, "you look beautiful", in my ear at school that I can't help but smile, even though I might try to disguise it. Likewise, I know that he loves it when we're acting'coupley'; I can literally feel him smiling when we're holding hands, or when we make eye contact from across the room. 


I'm petrified that some prettier, smarter girl is going to come along, realise how amazing he is and just take him from me. I can't physically stand to thought of him with some other girl. Its not that I don't trust him; I just don't understand why he chose me. Especially when he's got a line of prettier, smarter and overall perfect girls, queuing up for him. Everytime he goes to a party, I can't help thinking that he's going to get mortal drunk and just forget about me. I'm paranoid, and I know it. 


But slowly, he's peeling back all the protective barriers that I put up to save myself from hurt. Whenever I'm with him, I can feel the negative side of me leaving, and I feel like he's making me a better person. Usually, I can cover it pretty well, but every shadow of doubt that I've ever had vanishes when I'm with him.  Thanks to him, I feel like I'm regaining some of the confidence that I've lost when I've been hurt before. 


Simply put, I love him. Not just for who he is, but who I am when I'm with him. 




And, even though his post was a little, teeny tiny bit better (and longer) than mine, he should know that I love him just as much as he says he loves me (probably a bit more actually)...

Taylor Swift...

Now, I used to hate Taylor Swift's music with a passion. But, I have to say, recently, she has been played on my Ipod more times than I care to admit. I think she's one of those artists that you've got to be able to relate to before you fully 'get' her music. Its weird. I think every girl goes through the three stages of Taylor Swift, which are as follows:

Age 7-12(ish) - We love her music. Just because, to us, country music is quite 'cool'. 
Age 13-15(ish) - We hate her music. Its too pop/mainstream, and obviously, we're trying to be cool.
Age 16+(ish) - We love her music. Once you listen to the lyrics, you realise that she is basically singing about everything you're going through. Its creepy when you find a song that describes exactly what you're thinking. Even creepier when you find a whole album. 


Its fairly safe to say that I'm the only Taylor Swift fan within my immediate friend circle. We'll leave my boyfriend out of this, his Ipod is a bit of an 'anomaly' after all. Which guy has Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, Avril Lavigne and JLS on their Ipod?! He told me the other day that Miley Cyrus was quite good. And he laughs at me for having eight albums of GLEE on mine?!


In other news, I finally found his blog the other day! Literally, the most I'm smiled at a piece of writing ever (which is saying something, as I have read Harry Potter). But now, he's gone and changed the url. I WILL FIND IT! 

Bases...

A little post for 'older' readers. Up to you if you read it or not, but I'm not accepting any responsibility for scaring the minds of 12 year olds though. You have been warned...

So I didn't know that the term 'bases' was still used in relationships. The last time I'd heard of them, I think I was about 10 and hated everything to do with boys. Therefore, I thought that it was disgusting, and put it to the back of my mind. 

Today though, my boyfriend asked me if I knew what the four bases were. I had to think pretty hard before I remembered what I thought they were. Turns out they've changed quite a bit in 4 years. 

In my head, the four bases were as follows:

First Base - Kissing

Second Base - Above waist

Third Base - Below waist

Fourth Base- ...ahem...

In reality, they are actually:

First Base - Kissing

Second Base - 'Hands'

Third Base - 'Mouths'

Fourth Base - ...ahem...

This really confused me. Apparently 'above waist' has just vanished off the radar, even though that is quite a big step in my mind! It also creates quite a dilemma. What if someone asks me which base we've got to, but they still follow the 'old scale' and I use the 'new scale'? For example, the differences between the two second bases is, to be frank, disturbing!

Now in truth, the idea behind this post was to embarrass my boyfriend. So hopefully he's not going to kill me for this next time he sees me. If I don't post again within the next week, presume I'm dead...

To top off a crap week...

So, my boyfriend has started his own blog...


 And even though he knows about mine, so is probably stalking it this very minute, he won't tell me his blog address! How unfair is that?! So if any of you stumble upon a blog with an author who goes by the name of 'Bassanio', be sure to show me! He's only showed me two posts from his blog so far. The first one was his 'Hello' post; the second was about me. Now, I have to admit, my heart melted a little teeny-tiny bit, and I let out a little squeal of happiness when I read it. To be honest, it made what has been a shit week a lot better.

Then, said boyfriend played a prank on me. A really bad one. He pretended that he'd got a buzz-cut. At the moment he's got gorgeous messy hair, thats getting quite long, but he knows that I love it. So you can imagine that I was pretty gutted when he told me that he'd shaved it all off. He kept the whole joke up for about four hours. He also got one of my friends, and a boy in our form class to mention that they'd seen him sporting a very 'unique' hair style. I was actually convinced. Then he told me that he hadn't had it cut, and that he had just wanted to see how I would have reacted. Bleurhtg! Not. Fair. At. All. 


I'm still contemplating revealing my identity. I would start a second blog, and keep this one anonymous, but I don't have nearly enough time to maintain two; having one is bad enough!  So, I'm not sure what to do, but I'll decide soon...

A Little Bit of Music...

Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron and Wine
So I've had this song stuck in my head for literally the past week! I fell asleep with it on repeat, and woke up the next day knowing all the lyrics. Even though its on Twilight the movie, its a beautiful song. If Twilight hadn't got there first, I'd have wanted it to be in Harry Potter at some point. Literally in love with this song. Not really sure what else to say. So yeah, watch it. Its not the official video, but I couldn't find one online, so you'll have to make do with someones homemade one. Thanks to whoever made it. So, yeah, second short post of the day. But, this one includes a video and surely that makes up for my lack of recent posting?! Right!?...

Copycat...

So yesterday my boyfriend found my blog. Hey, if you're reading this. Hmpth. So now I don't really know what to write about. I'd feel weird writing about him, when I know that he's almost definitely going to read it. And he might be starting a 'proper' blog. Blogspot 2, Dailybooth 0.

So now my problem is that I feel awkward writing about my most popular subject. Hands up if you think we should vote my boyfriend out of here? ;)


So I'm thinking about revealing my identity to you all. I know the chances of anyone I actually know stumbling across this are slim, but I still don't want half my school knowing everything that goes on with my life. I really want to start putting pictures up and stuff because, after all, looking at a blog full of essays isn't very fun I imagine? Hmm, I'll think about it. We'll see what my boyfriends blog is like. If he reveals his identity, I'll reveal mine. Deal? Okay.


In other news, my views on here are going mad! I used to be getting about 7 views a day, now suddenly I'm getting between 50 and 70! Genuinely amazed! And according to my blog stats (look at me, getting all technical!), no one has been advertising or linking me. Hmm, suspicious, very suspicious...


Yet again, a short post. Apologies. Blame my teachers. They seem to be under the impression that I have nothing better to do than homework. So, yeah, byeeeeee.....

Jealousy...

So, it turns out that my boyfriend is also a blogger! I say blogger, he's on Dailybooth, which hardly counts. But still, he likes to think that he's a blogger. I know, blasphemy, right?

So things are going quite swimmingly with me and him. All the doubts that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago have vanished, and to be honest, for the first time in my life, I'm enjoying being in a relationship. I know right? Me, in a functioning relationship! He really makes me happy.


So I've also mentioned before that he gets quite a bit of attention from other girls. I'm not good with other girls to start with. There are only a few girls that I actually seem to get along with and trust. So when a girl starts to make a move on my boyfriend, you can imagine how I react. I basically want to rip their heads off. Its not pretty. There are two girls so far...


One of them won't take the hint, and persistently ask him to go for lunch with her, or to parties at her house. When I'm sitting with him, she'll stare at us. And, I mean stare! On lunch last week, her and her friend sat on the table beside us, and didn't even try to hide the fact that they were looking at us. Just sat, staring. Awkward on her part. He told me the other day that a few months ago (before he'd met me), she'd tried to kiss him. He pulled back and said no thanks. Surely thats a big enough hint?!


The other girl, was a little more subtle about it. I was sort of friends with her. She's a friend, of a friend, of a friend. But we've had lunch a few times together in large groups and stuff. He was friends with her before he met me. She's asked him to be in her art project. Apparently this will involve my boyfriend taking off his shirt and letting her paint 'tattoos' on him. As you can probably imagine, I'm not impressed by this. Neither is my boyfriend apparently. When she asked him, she said nothing about the whole shirtless thing, so he said yes automatically. He asked me to come along with him to her house while they do the photos. He said that he doesn't trust her to not make a move, and to be honest, neither do I.


I've only seen my boyfriend with out a shirt on four times, I think. And well, I don't mean to show off, but, phwoahh. He's the sort of guy that goes to the gym at six every morning. He has a proper workout routine. He drinks protein shakes. I don't trust myself when he doesn't have a shirt on, and I'm aloud to! I don't like the idea of some other girl getting to touch what is clearly marked as mine. Especially when he doesn't want her to be.


Another thing that this girl has done. My boyfriend has a bit of a fetish. One of the fairly weird ones, you know? This girl knew about it. So she comes into school wearing items of clothing which fit in with it. How many girls do you know that would come into school wearing a skirt that is almost non-existent and over the knee socks? She looked, well, like a bit of an idiot. One of her best friends, who I'm sort of friends with, spent the whole day avoiding her because it was embarrassing. Me and my boyfriend had a laugh about it later, but it sort of got to me, you know? Even though he said that it had had no effect on him, it got to me a little bit.


So I've learnt that I'm the jealous type of girlfriend. The only reason that I'm letting him leave his house is because I trust him. But, I sure as hell don't trust any girls around him. Downfall of having an attractive boyfriend.


On another note, said boyfriend has been searching for this blog for a couple of days now. Apparently I've hidden this quite well. He knows that the title of my blog has something to do with Harry Potter, but he doesn't know what, and he has no idea what the actual web address is. I found his Dailybooth in five minutes. 5 points to Blogger.

Loud As Hope...

I haven't posted in a while because of the stressfulness of starting sixth form. Joy, oh joy. Its literally like a slap in the face. We thought that GCSE's were reasonably difficult to balance, but A Levels...*shudders in fear*...

So, I could do a huge post about how hard my first week of Sixth Form was, but to be honest, it'll only depress me further. But, my saviour over the last week has been my ipod. I've invested quite a bit of cash on it through Itunes over the past week. I'm scared to look at my debit card bill... So, I've seen these quizzes floating around the magical world of the interweb. I know that all I seem to post now are these question things, but I promise to do a proper post soon. So this is one of the ones where you put your Ipod on shuffle, and it answers questions about you. Sometimes the answers don't make sense, but when they do, they're usually hilarious! I should make it clear that my Ipod is on shuffle, so I'm not picking the songs, just in case it gets awkward. Should hopefully be funny, considering my music taste...


1. Whats your motto?
Sinning Hands - Iron & Wine


2. What do your friends think of you?
Sunshine - The All-American Rejects


3. What do you think about a lot?
Sunday - Bloc Party


4. What do you think of your friends?
Days of Summer - Starkid


5. What do you think about the person that you like?
One and Only - Adele (No joke. My Ipod has my future planned out apparently...)


6. What is your life story?
I Need A Holiday - Scouting For Girls


7. What do you want to be when you grow up?
 Booooom, Blast and Ruin - Biffy Clyro


8. What do you think when you see the person that you like?
Sparks Fly - Taylor Swift


9. What do your parents think of you?
She's So Lovely - Scouting For Girls (My mum laughed when I showed her this...)


10. What will they play at your wedding?
Hannah - Freelance Whales


11. What will they play at your funeral?
Haunted - Taylor Swift (I genuinely laughed out loud at this one...)


12. Whats your hobby/interest?
Dirty Dancehall - The Zutons


13. Whats your biggest secret?
Somewhere only we know - The Warblers/ Glee Cast version


14. What do you think of your friends?
Party In A Forest - The Wombats


15. Whats to worst thing that could happen?
No No No - Yeah Yeah Yeahs (That was so weird to type out...)


16. How will you die?
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N - Noah & The Whale (I found this hilarious!)


17. What is the one thing that you regret?
Your Biggest Mistake - Ellie Goulding (Starting to get creeped out by my Ipod...)


18. What makes you laugh?
School Uniforms - The Wombats


19. What makes you cry?
Magick - Klaxons


20. Will you ever get married?
Speak Now - Taylor Swift (If you listen to the lyrics, you'll be creeped out!)


21. What scares you the most?
My First Wedding - The Wombats (Its not even funny anymore...)


22. Does anybody like you?
The Immortals - Kings of Leon


23. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol


24. What hurts right now?
You - The Pretty Reckless


25. What will I post this as?
Loud As Hope - Iron & Wine


Well, that worked better than planned! Apparently my Ipod has some rather sensible answers. A little bit creeped out now though...

Quiz-type-thing...

Hello again! So while having a quick look through all the blogs that I myself have subscribed to, I came across this quiz type thing. Its from http://mystcal.blogspot.com/ So all credit goes to them. They have said that I could use it by the way, I haven't just stole it....
So anyway, heres the quiz type thing...

What was your....
Last beverage - Diet Coke
Last phone call - To the boyfriend :3
Last text - About a second ago...
Last song you listened to - Broken Horse, by the Freelance Whales.
Have you ever....
Dated someone twice - Nope, but I've had a crush on an ex before...
Been cheated on - Nope
Kissed someone and regretted it - Nope
Lost someone special - Luckily, nope.
Been depressed - Yea...
Been drunk and threw up - Nope. Fear of vomiting stops that...

List three favourite colours....
Turquoise, Coral Pink and White.
This year (2011) have you....
Made a new friend - Yeaaaa
Fallen out of love - Sort of, if you count that as love.
Laughed until you cried - On a weekly basis...
Met someone who changed you - Yea.
Found out who your true friends were - Definitely.
Found out someone was talking about you - Many times.
Kissed anyone on your Facebook friends list - For once, I can say yes.
How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? - All.
How many kids do you want to have? - 2. A boy then a girl. 
Do you have any pets? - Nope...
Do you want to change your name? - Nah, way to common. 
What did you do for your last birthday? - Meal out with mates :)
What time did you wake up today? - 6.30 a.m.
What were you doing at midnight last night? - Harry Potter audio book. Oh, yeah!
Name something you CANNOT wait for - Paris with my friends! 
Last time you saw your mother - Two minutes ago, eating tea...
What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? - How I always panic.
What are you listening to right now? - I'm sure you asked this before...
Have you ever talked to a guy called Tom? - Many.
What's getting on your nerves right now? - Friends not being on E4. Enough said.
Most visited webpage - Facebook!
Real name - For me to know.
Nicknames - Would give my name away ;)
Relationship status - In a relationship with...

Male or Female - Female
Elementary - Do you mean first school?
High school - Do you mean Middle School?
College - Do you mean High School? Pfth. You can tell that I'm English.
Hair colour - Brown, but the boyfriend says I'm ginger ;)
Long or short - Middle-ish...?
Height - Normal-ish...?
Do you have a crush on someone? - Ahuh.
What do you like about yourself? - My eyes. Thats about it though...
Piercings - Ears.
Tattoos - Pfth. No. 

Righty or lefty - Righty!
Firsts....

First surgery - Never had any.
First piercing - When I was about 7.
First REAL best friend - Sadly, not until High School.
First sport you joined - Football. I used to be a tomboy, ok? 

First holiday - Corfu, when I was about 2 weeks old...
Right now....

Eating - Cheesecake. Nom.
Drinking - Diet Coke. You've already asked me this, I'm sure...?
Listening to - Third time you've asked me this. Really?
Waiting for - Boyfriend to get the hell online!
Your future....
Want kids - 2. You have asked me this!
Get married - Yeaaaaaaaah.

Which is better?....
Lips or eyes? - Having both would be a bonus...
Hugs or kisses? - Hmm, kisses are nice, but hugs win. Hugs that turn into kisses?
Shorter or taller? - Taller. I'm such a hypocrite!
Older or younger? - ...same age...?
Romantic or spontaneous? - Spontaneous.
Nice stomach or nice arms? - Arms. But I wouldn't say no to a nice six pack.
Sensitive or loud? - A nice balance.
Hook-up or relationship? - Honestly? Hook-up. I'm such a boy!
Trouble maker or hesitant? - Trouble maker. Ofth. 
Have you ever....
Kissed a stranger - Technically, I didn't know him that well...
Drank hard liquor - Ahuh.
Lost glasses/contacts - Nope, never needed them.
Kissed on first date - Nah, second.
Broken someone's heart - Apparently.
Had your own heart broken - Ahuh.
Been arrested - Nope.
Turned someone down - Yeaa...
Cried when someone died - Never had anyone close to me die...
Fallen for a friend - Of course.

Do you believe in....
Yourself - If we're taking the literally, then yes, I do believe that I exist.
Miracles - Nope. Shouldn't build up false hope.
Love at first sight - Nope.
Heaven - Sadly, nope. Reincarnation.
Santa Claus - Of course!
Kiss on the first date - Yea.
Angels - Nope.
Answer truthfully....
Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at a time? - Nope.
Did you sing today? - Yea, I sing constantly when I'm at home...
Ever cheated on somebody? - Nope. Same question as before...?
If you could go back in time, how far would you go? - About 3 years.
If you could pick a day from this year and relive it, what would it be?- 13th May

Are you afraid of falling in love?- Yup. Petrified.

So that took me longer than I thought it would...

Anyway, I started sixth form today. The awkward moment when your boyfriend is in your form class, so attempts to cling onto you all day to avoid making friends. Yea. I feel so mean, because I basically ignored him all day so that he would talk to other people. Yea. 

He got asked out by someone yesterday. He said no and that he had a girlfriend, but apparently she didn't get the message. Today, the same girl asked him to go for lunch with her. He said that he wanted to spend time with me. Wow. Boyfriend did good. Said girl gave me in excess of 15 hackies today. Job well done.