January...

Why, hello there! I'm surprised you're even reading this, considering that I haven't posted in so long! Tut, tut, inconsistent blogging. So, a rather quick post today, because, well, I'm tired...

January. So, I've mentioned before that last January, I had a bit of a rough time. I've never really told anyone about this, not even my really, really close friends, so this is kind of a big deal. Last January, I was kind of in a bad place. I'm trying to do this without it sounding really cliche, but I'm failing slightly. 

In about June 2010, I was screwed over by my old friends. I'd considered them my best friends for about six years, and suddenly, they wanted nothing to do with me. I'm going to admit, it hurt. I suddenly found myself without many friends, and thinking that anyone who tried to be my friend was going to hurt me. Nice, right? I spent about 3 months not talking at all during school, and eating my lunch in the art rooms, on my own. 

Over that summer, I made new friends. And, well, I love them all to bits, and couldn't live without them. I started to trust people a bit more, and I became a little bit more confident in school. 

In January, I kind of took a step backwards. I was having a rough time in lessons, I was starting to get paranoid that my friends were going behind my back and stuff and to be honest, I was in a shit mood constantly. I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did in January. Literally it was every night, I would cry myself to sleep. Its hard to explain, but things started to pile up in my head. One little paranoid thought would lead to a mountain of really unlikely scenarios, which I would convince myself were going to happen. I would go for days without eating in order to get control over something. I contemplated suicide. It sounds stupid writing it out like this, but at the time I was completely overwhelmed. 

It took me a while to get back to my 'normal' self. I've still got a couple of issues that I'm sorting out. The eating things a big one. I still can't eat in front of people that I don't trust, which is ridiculously annoying! I hate it when I think people are looking at me, or talking about me - it just makes me paranoid. I hate not feeling included in something. If someone says something like "Do you think tha- Oh, never mind...", I can't let it go. I have to know exactly what people are thinking around me. 

So, yeah, thats basically what happened in January. 

If anyone from my school is reading this (I know a few people found my blog via my boyfriend's), please do me a huge favour and don't tell anyone? I don't really fancy the idea the whole school knowing this...thanks. 

Sorry for the depressing nature of this post. I promise I'll do something a little bit more like my usual self next time. For now, byeeeeee.....