17 Reasons...

So, todays is my boyfriends birthday. I kind of directed him here through his birthday card, so he's probably going to be reading this, everyone else can zone out now...


Well, this is kind of part of your birthday present, since you keep going on at me to blog more! ;)


17 Reasons I Love You


1. You write amazing blog posts that give me butterflies, especially the ones where you talk about us. Thats why I make such a big deal when you change the url and don't tell me.


2. You put up with having me as a girlfriend. That in itself must take a good amount of patience.


3. Your hair. Enough said, really.


4. The jokes that you tell that I pretend to find totally un-hilarious, but inside, I'm dying to burst out laughing.


5. The fact that you care more about my school grades than your own wants. That means a lot.


6. You're willing to wait. You want whats best for us, not what everyone else says.


7. Deep down you're a huge, huge nerd, but you somehow manage to cover it quite well. Apart from the fact that you're obviously cheating on me with your english teacher, that kind of gives away the game...


8. That I will always be able to kick your ass at poker.


9. How I've only known you for less that 3 months, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. I've never felt so comfortable around anyone, ever.


10. How I can tell you anything without the fear of being laughed at, or you taking it the wrong way.


11.  That I end up loving you more and more, each time I see you.


12. How you put up with the constant beard, height and other jokes that everyone seems to make. Three words: "That sounds familiar...". As you can tell, I'm really quite proud of that one.


13. Your 'sensual' voice. Not my words, your english teacher's. 


14. The annoying fact that you're right 99.8% of the time.


15. The cute notes that you make your brother and sister give me when you're off school. Yeah, they make me smile. A lot.


16. How you can cheer me up, even when I'm in the worst moods known to mankind.


17. I just love you. End of. 




So, yea, Happy Birthday! As you can tell, I so love you more! ;)

Creative Writing...

So, I've recovered after my little 'emotional overspill', as one of my friends called it earlier. Last week, I had my first creative writing lesson. Its weird going back to english after about 5 months of only doing maths and science based subjects. As you've probably gathered, I love english, but as a student, I present quite a dilemma to who ever has to mark my writing. I'm apparently quite good at writing, but I go about it the wrong way. If this makes any sense. You know how everyone has a voice in their head that sort of tells them what to write? No, I'm not mad. Well, the voice in my head, which dictates what I write, like to think of itself as humorous. Which is in someways good, but in someways bad. Like last year, my english teacher totally got my sense of humour, so I got pretty damn good grades, but my english teacher before that constantly gave me c's. Can you imagine what I was like in the exam? For two months, I was literally praying that the marker would have a decent sense of humour. 


So anyway, for my homework, I had to write a couple of paragraphs of a memoir. I hate writing memoirs. So, I'm stealing the idea from my boyfriends blog and posting my homework up on here. I got a bit carried away; its way longer than a few paragraphs, more like an essay if I'm being honest, so if you're not interested, zone out now...

The Beach

Most people say, “Oh, I wish we live by the beach! It must be so relaxing! I would go everyday!” Its a shame that most of them have never been to the north east, or have even seen the weather forecast for Newcastle. The weather in this lovely little part of the North East could be described as ‘unpredictable’, and on average it rains for 132.6 days per year. Not exactly beach weather, I think you’ll agree? Still, we “Geordies” will insist on sunbathing in the seven degree summer when it comes round, even if it means lying under an umbrella.

One particularly cold and wintry summer, we were blessed with what the weatherman promised would be, “ an unusually pleasant day, with little chance of rain”. Considering that it was in the third or forth week of the summer holidays, and so far we had had gale force winds, rain and possibly snow, I was reasonably pleased with this sudden change in weather. Practically falling out of bed in excitement, I grabbed my phone and began frantically texting four of my closest friends, in what could only be described as grammatically incorrect gibberish. We arranged to meet at twelve o’clock right in the middle of town. That gave me just enough time to wash my hair; find clothes; iron clothes; dry hair; straighten hair; put on clothes; change my mind about clothes; change clothes and pack a beach bag. Sorted.

I met the girls at quarter to one. It turned out hat we’d all overestimated our ability to get ready in less than two hours and all ended up stumbling into the town centre after either an unanticipated jog or, at its least, very brisk walk. We all looked as though we had been dragged through own individual hedge’s backwards, so before we went anywhere, we had a little impromptu visit to Costa to sort our hair out and get a couple of iced coffees for the walk down to the beach.  

The beach itself was, and still is to this day, a two mile strip of golden sand that gradually gets darker the closer to the grey sea you get. Over one side of the beach there is a dull, concrete pier, on which fishermen sit, constantly whipping fishing lines back and forth. Jagged rocks and cliffs line both sides of the sand, creating a block for the wind and the impression of a secluded little cove. Today, though, the dark sea lapped threateningly at the rocks, like a clawed hand trying to pull itself out of the icy water.  There were quite a few people on the beach, the usual array of dog walkers and mad, idiot surfers (honestly, you see them in winter sometimes); but with the addition of sunbathers who had managed to fill the entire two mile beach with what looked like a patchwork quilt made of beach towels. Most of them had undoubtedly seen the same weather report as I had, many of them quoting it as we walked passed.

“Can you believe this unexpected change in weather?”

“No, I can’t quite believe it! So unpredictable isn’t it?”

I couldn’t help but agree. We found a rare space at the far end of the beach, just enough room for five towels without the need to overhear everything the family next to us was saying. We sat around for the next few hours, not doing anything particularly interesting: listened to some music, read some magazines, general talking, the occasional paddle before coming to the conclusion that the water was about minus seven degrees. Not the most pleasurable of swimming temperatures. We had just started the disposable barbecue (burgers and chicken), when the first signs of trouble started. The previously clear blue sky began to cloud over into a mass of towering dark grey, casting a shadow across the entire length of the beach. People began to leave. We glanced nervously at each other, saying nothing, but concentrating on cooking the chicken properly.  

        Minutes ticked by, and we thought that maybe, maybe we would hit lucky.

No such luck. 

We had just settled down to a burger each, when it started. The familiar, steady pitter patter of rain droplets sounded on the sand around us. We all looked at each others, absolutely livid. Typical. 

I'm aware that its pretty shit. So, what do you guys think? Considering that I haven't wrote anything 'properly' in a good few months, I'm reasonably pleased with myself. So yeah, chemistry test tomorrow. Bricking it, doesn't even cover it. Byeee....

Paranoid...

So I've had a pretty shit 22 hours as far as boys are concerned. 

So last night, until about 7, my boyfriend came round to mine, which was lovely. But then, not an hour after he left, he messaged me on facebook. He basically spent an hour telling me that we shouldn't spend as much time together because he's worried about me failing school. This is the boy who keeps telling me to stay off when I'm mildly ill, and bunk lessons with him. Confused? So was I.


Then we had the 'sex talk'. Now, as far as I'm concerned, I've made it pretty obvious to him that I'm not ready for that sort of stuff. We've only been seeing each other for a little over two months, and to be honest I don't really want to go that far yet. So why he presumes that I'm almost ready is beyond me. Lately, he's been talking a lot about when we're going to do it, but at the same time saying that he doesn't want to plan it. Apparently the christmas holidays are the best time. If anything, this is putting me off the idea of it more. I don't want him to presume that we're going to do it then. Sure, his friends were having sex by the time they'd been going out for two months, but he's got to get it into his head that I'm not that friend. 


So apparently, even though I'm no longer allowed to see him on weekdays, I'm supposed to be ready for sex a lot earlier than I anticipated. Nice. Whats even more confusing is that at the same time, he's messaging me going "I want you to be sure that you're ready, and that you're not just doing it to make me happy." ...err. 


Another thing that I've just remembered thats annoying me. He's worried that my parents are going to walk in on us while we're doing stuff. So he won't do stuff to me, but will quite happily let me do stuff to him. If you catch my drift. It doesn't annoy me at the time, but a little while after, it starts to get annoying as! I get why last night, just its happened two or three times now, and it always follows the same pattern. I don't usually mind if I'm 'giving' or 'receiving', but its just blatant double standards when he says that we can't, but then we do. Realising that probably made no sense to anyone but me...


Even though I'm not 'allowed' to see him on weekdays anymore, I get the feeling his friends still are. For example, today, I hardly saw him, but when I did, he mentioned that he was at Romeo and Juliet rehearsals after school. An hour later, I saw one of his mates, who implied that he was going to his house after school. Now, the fact that he wants to spend time with his mates doesn't bother me in the slightest, the only time it remotely does is when I get the feeling that his girl mates like him. But since our discussion last night, I don't know what to think. I wouldn't have minded in the slightest if he'd said that he was going round to his mates house, its more the fact that he might have lied to me. 


I know that he probably hasn't lied to me, and that I'm probably just being stupid, but after talking last night, I'm more paranoid than ever. Which I didn't think was possible. Its stupid, suddenly all the confidence that I'd got from being in a relationship, kind of vanished. I was getting better at the whole 'holding hands and kissing in public' sort of thing, but I feel like all thats gone out the window. I don't know why, its frustrating. 


The fact is, I love him, but I don't want to get hurt again. 


So I've just been talking to him now. He never lied to me, I'm just paranoid. I hate feeling like this. 


Another reason why I'm having a bad day. I got hit on today. By a year 9. I'm in year 12. FML. He looked like he was deadly serious too. 


So, yeah I'm sorry about this post. I feel guilty about writing it, I just needed to get a load of shit off my chest, and well this blogs kind of turning into my punch bag. I feel like I annoy my friends when I go on about stuff like this. So yeah, thats all for now, byeee....


p.s. Never, and I mean NEVER tell a girl that you want to make the relationship more 'casual'. Especially if you know she's having a shit week to start with. It will only lead to tears and her thinking that you're dumping her over facebook.  

Dailybooth...

So I promised a few weeks ago that I'd show you guys my dailybooth. This post is only going to be up for 24 hours, before I delete it and go back to my anonymous self. So make the most of it! My dailybooth can be found here. You have 24 hours. Time starts NOW.


Mwahaha! Your time is up! Sorry guys, but I'm back to my anonymous self again. 

Nervous...

So a few weeks ago, I wrote a post, in which I mention my boyfriends blog. A few days later he asked me to delete it so that people wouldn't be able to find his blog. Now, seeing as I'm the more experienced blogger in the relationship, he's asked me to advertise it again. Make up your mind?! So anyway, you can find his blog here. He's a better writer than me, so theres new posts up every couple of days. Its weird, you'll notice a kind of parallel between our blogs; I apparently talk a lot about boys (apparently) and he talks a lot about girls.


So I'm going round to his tomorrow for sunday lunch, and well, I'm kind of nervous. I've mentioned that I'm weird about eating, so thats not going to help, and to be honest, I'm ridiculously shy anyway. I have an awful feeling that I'm going to mess up and his parents are going to end up hating me or something. Anyway, wish me luck?


I know its been a short post today, but my family is doing a stupid Come Dine With Me type thing, so I'm being called downstairs. Kill. Me. Now. So yeah, byeee....

Bad Day...

So a reasonably short post today. 

I thought today was going to be a good day. It started off well anyway, but its gradually increased in shitty-ness though out the day. Now I feel like crying and I have no idea why. Pmt? Probably. I just want to snuggle up in bed and go to sleep. And hibernate until May. Seems logical. I need a cuddle. The reasons why today was so shit, I hear you ask? Well, heres why:

1. I have failed every single one of my subjects. I'm getting U's for christ sake. I spend the whole of chemistry trying not to burst into tears. I know this sounds pathetic, but schools has been the only ever thing I've been reasonably good at. I'm the 'smart' one of the family, but I feel like my reputation in dying slightly. 

2. I feel like Januarys coming again. Which is true, but, meh. I've never told you guys what happened last January, so I'm tempted to do a proper post on it soon. Maybe. Well, it was mainly the reason that I started this blog. Its kind of hard to explain though, so I'll do a proper post on it later. Very conclusive, I know.

3. And finally, more than anything, I miss my boyfriend. I feel like I'm never seeing him. Its hard. I don't want to seem clingy, but at the same time, its really getting to me. What makes it worse is that, in reality, I'm still seeing him everyday. Yet again, school is messing up my love life.

So theres nothing else really that comes to head. Now i come to think about it, its probably pmt. Seems most likely anyway. Benefits of being a girl. So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed my very depressing post for tonight, byeee...