A bit of a change...

So I got sick of my boyfriend being able to see my blog. I found his again, so he changed his blogs address. Again. He shall never ever get to see what goes on in my mind again. He trying to find it as I type. Mwahahahaha......


So yea, its weird basically starting from scratch. I'll need some help getting the viewing figures back up again!

Dear Bassanio...

So, I haven't really done an 'emotional' post in a while, if at all. Therefore this may be a little different from my usually pointless drivel. A couple of days ago, my boyfriend (code named Bassanio) wrote a blog post about me. This is my reply...


So I met my boyfriend a month on Friday. Literally, met. I'd known him about three hours before we started going out. And, to be honest, even though I've known him for so little time, I can't imagine living without him. He's like the perfect fitting jigsaw piece to me.


Even though I've known him for so little time, I've fallen, quite literally, head over heels for him. I feel like I've known him for my entire life, and I love the simplicity of the relationship that we have. I can't help thinking that if I was with anybody else, it wouldn't be nearly this easy. We're still taking things slow though. He's terrified of me running away if he pushes me too fast. There have only been a couple of times when I've needed to stop him, and theres even been a couple of times that he's needed to stop me! He doesn't want me to do anything that I'll regret, and for that, I'm extremely grateful. He's given me patience, and its blissful to be in a relationship with no pressure.


Never before have I felt so close to a boy. Not just physically, but emotionally too. Its like he knows exactly what I'm thinking, not in a creepy way, but in a 'you don't need to explain yourself' sort of way. For the first time in my life, I can just talk, and he gets it. He doesn't ask questions, or demand an explanation for the way I think, he just accepts it. He might think I'm slightly mad, but he accepts it. And I think I'm starting to understand him better too. Our pasts are both out in the open - we've both been hurt in past relationships, and it feels like we understand each other better because of this. 


Simply put, we just 'get' each other. He knows that when he compliments me out of the blue and whispers, "you look beautiful", in my ear at school that I can't help but smile, even though I might try to disguise it. Likewise, I know that he loves it when we're acting'coupley'; I can literally feel him smiling when we're holding hands, or when we make eye contact from across the room. 


I'm petrified that some prettier, smarter girl is going to come along, realise how amazing he is and just take him from me. I can't physically stand to thought of him with some other girl. Its not that I don't trust him; I just don't understand why he chose me. Especially when he's got a line of prettier, smarter and overall perfect girls, queuing up for him. Everytime he goes to a party, I can't help thinking that he's going to get mortal drunk and just forget about me. I'm paranoid, and I know it. 


But slowly, he's peeling back all the protective barriers that I put up to save myself from hurt. Whenever I'm with him, I can feel the negative side of me leaving, and I feel like he's making me a better person. Usually, I can cover it pretty well, but every shadow of doubt that I've ever had vanishes when I'm with him.  Thanks to him, I feel like I'm regaining some of the confidence that I've lost when I've been hurt before. 


Simply put, I love him. Not just for who he is, but who I am when I'm with him. 




And, even though his post was a little, teeny tiny bit better (and longer) than mine, he should know that I love him just as much as he says he loves me (probably a bit more actually)...

Taylor Swift...

Now, I used to hate Taylor Swift's music with a passion. But, I have to say, recently, she has been played on my Ipod more times than I care to admit. I think she's one of those artists that you've got to be able to relate to before you fully 'get' her music. Its weird. I think every girl goes through the three stages of Taylor Swift, which are as follows:

Age 7-12(ish) - We love her music. Just because, to us, country music is quite 'cool'. 
Age 13-15(ish) - We hate her music. Its too pop/mainstream, and obviously, we're trying to be cool.
Age 16+(ish) - We love her music. Once you listen to the lyrics, you realise that she is basically singing about everything you're going through. Its creepy when you find a song that describes exactly what you're thinking. Even creepier when you find a whole album. 


Its fairly safe to say that I'm the only Taylor Swift fan within my immediate friend circle. We'll leave my boyfriend out of this, his Ipod is a bit of an 'anomaly' after all. Which guy has Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, Avril Lavigne and JLS on their Ipod?! He told me the other day that Miley Cyrus was quite good. And he laughs at me for having eight albums of GLEE on mine?!


In other news, I finally found his blog the other day! Literally, the most I'm smiled at a piece of writing ever (which is saying something, as I have read Harry Potter). But now, he's gone and changed the url. I WILL FIND IT! 

Bases...

A little post for 'older' readers. Up to you if you read it or not, but I'm not accepting any responsibility for scaring the minds of 12 year olds though. You have been warned...

So I didn't know that the term 'bases' was still used in relationships. The last time I'd heard of them, I think I was about 10 and hated everything to do with boys. Therefore, I thought that it was disgusting, and put it to the back of my mind. 

Today though, my boyfriend asked me if I knew what the four bases were. I had to think pretty hard before I remembered what I thought they were. Turns out they've changed quite a bit in 4 years. 

In my head, the four bases were as follows:

First Base - Kissing

Second Base - Above waist

Third Base - Below waist

Fourth Base- ...ahem...

In reality, they are actually:

First Base - Kissing

Second Base - 'Hands'

Third Base - 'Mouths'

Fourth Base - ...ahem...

This really confused me. Apparently 'above waist' has just vanished off the radar, even though that is quite a big step in my mind! It also creates quite a dilemma. What if someone asks me which base we've got to, but they still follow the 'old scale' and I use the 'new scale'? For example, the differences between the two second bases is, to be frank, disturbing!

Now in truth, the idea behind this post was to embarrass my boyfriend. So hopefully he's not going to kill me for this next time he sees me. If I don't post again within the next week, presume I'm dead...

To top off a crap week...

So, my boyfriend has started his own blog...


 And even though he knows about mine, so is probably stalking it this very minute, he won't tell me his blog address! How unfair is that?! So if any of you stumble upon a blog with an author who goes by the name of 'Bassanio', be sure to show me! He's only showed me two posts from his blog so far. The first one was his 'Hello' post; the second was about me. Now, I have to admit, my heart melted a little teeny-tiny bit, and I let out a little squeal of happiness when I read it. To be honest, it made what has been a shit week a lot better.

Then, said boyfriend played a prank on me. A really bad one. He pretended that he'd got a buzz-cut. At the moment he's got gorgeous messy hair, thats getting quite long, but he knows that I love it. So you can imagine that I was pretty gutted when he told me that he'd shaved it all off. He kept the whole joke up for about four hours. He also got one of my friends, and a boy in our form class to mention that they'd seen him sporting a very 'unique' hair style. I was actually convinced. Then he told me that he hadn't had it cut, and that he had just wanted to see how I would have reacted. Bleurhtg! Not. Fair. At. All. 


I'm still contemplating revealing my identity. I would start a second blog, and keep this one anonymous, but I don't have nearly enough time to maintain two; having one is bad enough!  So, I'm not sure what to do, but I'll decide soon...

A Little Bit of Music...

Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron and Wine
So I've had this song stuck in my head for literally the past week! I fell asleep with it on repeat, and woke up the next day knowing all the lyrics. Even though its on Twilight the movie, its a beautiful song. If Twilight hadn't got there first, I'd have wanted it to be in Harry Potter at some point. Literally in love with this song. Not really sure what else to say. So yeah, watch it. Its not the official video, but I couldn't find one online, so you'll have to make do with someones homemade one. Thanks to whoever made it. So, yeah, second short post of the day. But, this one includes a video and surely that makes up for my lack of recent posting?! Right!?...

Copycat...

So yesterday my boyfriend found my blog. Hey, if you're reading this. Hmpth. So now I don't really know what to write about. I'd feel weird writing about him, when I know that he's almost definitely going to read it. And he might be starting a 'proper' blog. Blogspot 2, Dailybooth 0.

So now my problem is that I feel awkward writing about my most popular subject. Hands up if you think we should vote my boyfriend out of here? ;)


So I'm thinking about revealing my identity to you all. I know the chances of anyone I actually know stumbling across this are slim, but I still don't want half my school knowing everything that goes on with my life. I really want to start putting pictures up and stuff because, after all, looking at a blog full of essays isn't very fun I imagine? Hmm, I'll think about it. We'll see what my boyfriends blog is like. If he reveals his identity, I'll reveal mine. Deal? Okay.


In other news, my views on here are going mad! I used to be getting about 7 views a day, now suddenly I'm getting between 50 and 70! Genuinely amazed! And according to my blog stats (look at me, getting all technical!), no one has been advertising or linking me. Hmm, suspicious, very suspicious...


Yet again, a short post. Apologies. Blame my teachers. They seem to be under the impression that I have nothing better to do than homework. So, yeah, byeeeeee.....

Jealousy...

So, it turns out that my boyfriend is also a blogger! I say blogger, he's on Dailybooth, which hardly counts. But still, he likes to think that he's a blogger. I know, blasphemy, right?

So things are going quite swimmingly with me and him. All the doubts that I wrote about a couple of weeks ago have vanished, and to be honest, for the first time in my life, I'm enjoying being in a relationship. I know right? Me, in a functioning relationship! He really makes me happy.


So I've also mentioned before that he gets quite a bit of attention from other girls. I'm not good with other girls to start with. There are only a few girls that I actually seem to get along with and trust. So when a girl starts to make a move on my boyfriend, you can imagine how I react. I basically want to rip their heads off. Its not pretty. There are two girls so far...


One of them won't take the hint, and persistently ask him to go for lunch with her, or to parties at her house. When I'm sitting with him, she'll stare at us. And, I mean stare! On lunch last week, her and her friend sat on the table beside us, and didn't even try to hide the fact that they were looking at us. Just sat, staring. Awkward on her part. He told me the other day that a few months ago (before he'd met me), she'd tried to kiss him. He pulled back and said no thanks. Surely thats a big enough hint?!


The other girl, was a little more subtle about it. I was sort of friends with her. She's a friend, of a friend, of a friend. But we've had lunch a few times together in large groups and stuff. He was friends with her before he met me. She's asked him to be in her art project. Apparently this will involve my boyfriend taking off his shirt and letting her paint 'tattoos' on him. As you can probably imagine, I'm not impressed by this. Neither is my boyfriend apparently. When she asked him, she said nothing about the whole shirtless thing, so he said yes automatically. He asked me to come along with him to her house while they do the photos. He said that he doesn't trust her to not make a move, and to be honest, neither do I.


I've only seen my boyfriend with out a shirt on four times, I think. And well, I don't mean to show off, but, phwoahh. He's the sort of guy that goes to the gym at six every morning. He has a proper workout routine. He drinks protein shakes. I don't trust myself when he doesn't have a shirt on, and I'm aloud to! I don't like the idea of some other girl getting to touch what is clearly marked as mine. Especially when he doesn't want her to be.


Another thing that this girl has done. My boyfriend has a bit of a fetish. One of the fairly weird ones, you know? This girl knew about it. So she comes into school wearing items of clothing which fit in with it. How many girls do you know that would come into school wearing a skirt that is almost non-existent and over the knee socks? She looked, well, like a bit of an idiot. One of her best friends, who I'm sort of friends with, spent the whole day avoiding her because it was embarrassing. Me and my boyfriend had a laugh about it later, but it sort of got to me, you know? Even though he said that it had had no effect on him, it got to me a little bit.


So I've learnt that I'm the jealous type of girlfriend. The only reason that I'm letting him leave his house is because I trust him. But, I sure as hell don't trust any girls around him. Downfall of having an attractive boyfriend.


On another note, said boyfriend has been searching for this blog for a couple of days now. Apparently I've hidden this quite well. He knows that the title of my blog has something to do with Harry Potter, but he doesn't know what, and he has no idea what the actual web address is. I found his Dailybooth in five minutes. 5 points to Blogger.

Loud As Hope...

I haven't posted in a while because of the stressfulness of starting sixth form. Joy, oh joy. Its literally like a slap in the face. We thought that GCSE's were reasonably difficult to balance, but A Levels...*shudders in fear*...

So, I could do a huge post about how hard my first week of Sixth Form was, but to be honest, it'll only depress me further. But, my saviour over the last week has been my ipod. I've invested quite a bit of cash on it through Itunes over the past week. I'm scared to look at my debit card bill... So, I've seen these quizzes floating around the magical world of the interweb. I know that all I seem to post now are these question things, but I promise to do a proper post soon. So this is one of the ones where you put your Ipod on shuffle, and it answers questions about you. Sometimes the answers don't make sense, but when they do, they're usually hilarious! I should make it clear that my Ipod is on shuffle, so I'm not picking the songs, just in case it gets awkward. Should hopefully be funny, considering my music taste...


1. Whats your motto?
Sinning Hands - Iron & Wine


2. What do your friends think of you?
Sunshine - The All-American Rejects


3. What do you think about a lot?
Sunday - Bloc Party


4. What do you think of your friends?
Days of Summer - Starkid


5. What do you think about the person that you like?
One and Only - Adele (No joke. My Ipod has my future planned out apparently...)


6. What is your life story?
I Need A Holiday - Scouting For Girls


7. What do you want to be when you grow up?
 Booooom, Blast and Ruin - Biffy Clyro


8. What do you think when you see the person that you like?
Sparks Fly - Taylor Swift


9. What do your parents think of you?
She's So Lovely - Scouting For Girls (My mum laughed when I showed her this...)


10. What will they play at your wedding?
Hannah - Freelance Whales


11. What will they play at your funeral?
Haunted - Taylor Swift (I genuinely laughed out loud at this one...)


12. Whats your hobby/interest?
Dirty Dancehall - The Zutons


13. Whats your biggest secret?
Somewhere only we know - The Warblers/ Glee Cast version


14. What do you think of your friends?
Party In A Forest - The Wombats


15. Whats to worst thing that could happen?
No No No - Yeah Yeah Yeahs (That was so weird to type out...)


16. How will you die?
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N - Noah & The Whale (I found this hilarious!)


17. What is the one thing that you regret?
Your Biggest Mistake - Ellie Goulding (Starting to get creeped out by my Ipod...)


18. What makes you laugh?
School Uniforms - The Wombats


19. What makes you cry?
Magick - Klaxons


20. Will you ever get married?
Speak Now - Taylor Swift (If you listen to the lyrics, you'll be creeped out!)


21. What scares you the most?
My First Wedding - The Wombats (Its not even funny anymore...)


22. Does anybody like you?
The Immortals - Kings of Leon


23. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol


24. What hurts right now?
You - The Pretty Reckless


25. What will I post this as?
Loud As Hope - Iron & Wine


Well, that worked better than planned! Apparently my Ipod has some rather sensible answers. A little bit creeped out now though...

Quiz-type-thing...

Hello again! So while having a quick look through all the blogs that I myself have subscribed to, I came across this quiz type thing. Its from http://mystcal.blogspot.com/ So all credit goes to them. They have said that I could use it by the way, I haven't just stole it....
So anyway, heres the quiz type thing...

What was your....
Last beverage - Diet Coke
Last phone call - To the boyfriend :3
Last text - About a second ago...
Last song you listened to - Broken Horse, by the Freelance Whales.
Have you ever....
Dated someone twice - Nope, but I've had a crush on an ex before...
Been cheated on - Nope
Kissed someone and regretted it - Nope
Lost someone special - Luckily, nope.
Been depressed - Yea...
Been drunk and threw up - Nope. Fear of vomiting stops that...

List three favourite colours....
Turquoise, Coral Pink and White.
This year (2011) have you....
Made a new friend - Yeaaaa
Fallen out of love - Sort of, if you count that as love.
Laughed until you cried - On a weekly basis...
Met someone who changed you - Yea.
Found out who your true friends were - Definitely.
Found out someone was talking about you - Many times.
Kissed anyone on your Facebook friends list - For once, I can say yes.
How many people on your friends list do you know in real life? - All.
How many kids do you want to have? - 2. A boy then a girl. 
Do you have any pets? - Nope...
Do you want to change your name? - Nah, way to common. 
What did you do for your last birthday? - Meal out with mates :)
What time did you wake up today? - 6.30 a.m.
What were you doing at midnight last night? - Harry Potter audio book. Oh, yeah!
Name something you CANNOT wait for - Paris with my friends! 
Last time you saw your mother - Two minutes ago, eating tea...
What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? - How I always panic.
What are you listening to right now? - I'm sure you asked this before...
Have you ever talked to a guy called Tom? - Many.
What's getting on your nerves right now? - Friends not being on E4. Enough said.
Most visited webpage - Facebook!
Real name - For me to know.
Nicknames - Would give my name away ;)
Relationship status - In a relationship with...

Male or Female - Female
Elementary - Do you mean first school?
High school - Do you mean Middle School?
College - Do you mean High School? Pfth. You can tell that I'm English.
Hair colour - Brown, but the boyfriend says I'm ginger ;)
Long or short - Middle-ish...?
Height - Normal-ish...?
Do you have a crush on someone? - Ahuh.
What do you like about yourself? - My eyes. Thats about it though...
Piercings - Ears.
Tattoos - Pfth. No. 

Righty or lefty - Righty!
Firsts....

First surgery - Never had any.
First piercing - When I was about 7.
First REAL best friend - Sadly, not until High School.
First sport you joined - Football. I used to be a tomboy, ok? 

First holiday - Corfu, when I was about 2 weeks old...
Right now....

Eating - Cheesecake. Nom.
Drinking - Diet Coke. You've already asked me this, I'm sure...?
Listening to - Third time you've asked me this. Really?
Waiting for - Boyfriend to get the hell online!
Your future....
Want kids - 2. You have asked me this!
Get married - Yeaaaaaaaah.

Which is better?....
Lips or eyes? - Having both would be a bonus...
Hugs or kisses? - Hmm, kisses are nice, but hugs win. Hugs that turn into kisses?
Shorter or taller? - Taller. I'm such a hypocrite!
Older or younger? - ...same age...?
Romantic or spontaneous? - Spontaneous.
Nice stomach or nice arms? - Arms. But I wouldn't say no to a nice six pack.
Sensitive or loud? - A nice balance.
Hook-up or relationship? - Honestly? Hook-up. I'm such a boy!
Trouble maker or hesitant? - Trouble maker. Ofth. 
Have you ever....
Kissed a stranger - Technically, I didn't know him that well...
Drank hard liquor - Ahuh.
Lost glasses/contacts - Nope, never needed them.
Kissed on first date - Nah, second.
Broken someone's heart - Apparently.
Had your own heart broken - Ahuh.
Been arrested - Nope.
Turned someone down - Yeaa...
Cried when someone died - Never had anyone close to me die...
Fallen for a friend - Of course.

Do you believe in....
Yourself - If we're taking the literally, then yes, I do believe that I exist.
Miracles - Nope. Shouldn't build up false hope.
Love at first sight - Nope.
Heaven - Sadly, nope. Reincarnation.
Santa Claus - Of course!
Kiss on the first date - Yea.
Angels - Nope.
Answer truthfully....
Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at a time? - Nope.
Did you sing today? - Yea, I sing constantly when I'm at home...
Ever cheated on somebody? - Nope. Same question as before...?
If you could go back in time, how far would you go? - About 3 years.
If you could pick a day from this year and relive it, what would it be?- 13th May

Are you afraid of falling in love?- Yup. Petrified.

So that took me longer than I thought it would...

Anyway, I started sixth form today. The awkward moment when your boyfriend is in your form class, so attempts to cling onto you all day to avoid making friends. Yea. I feel so mean, because I basically ignored him all day so that he would talk to other people. Yea. 

He got asked out by someone yesterday. He said no and that he had a girlfriend, but apparently she didn't get the message. Today, the same girl asked him to go for lunch with her. He said that he wanted to spend time with me. Wow. Boyfriend did good. Said girl gave me in excess of 15 hackies today. Job well done. 

What 40% of me feels like...

So, as far as I was aware, having a boyfriend is meant to be amazing. And don't get me wrong, I really like him and everything he does, etc... BUT, what happens when said boyfriend is clingy? Very clingy...

So, I've known him for less than a week. I know that we're probably supposed to get to know each other before you go out and stuff, but we clicked, so we started going straight out. So, I saw him on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Thursday, he texted me constantly, saying how it felt like we'd spent weeks apart. I hadn't even known him for three days. Err, what?!


I may have or may not have mentioned it before, but I HATE clingy boys with a passion. I'd rather that they'd ignore me than fuss over me. I don't like the feeling of being trapped. And, sure, I don't feel necessarily 'trapped', just I feel like he likes me a lot more than I like him. For example, when talking about when we were next going to meet up, he sent this : "I'll be ready to meet at a moments notice beautiful! <3"  Now, texts like that, send tremors of fear through commitment phobics, like me. 


Its not just in text form either. The other day, we went out with my friends so that he could meet them. I have to admit, he handled it pretty well, but with exception of the constant displays of affection in public places! Sheesh. He wants to hold hands everywhere! Which I quite like, but is a little bit awkward when you're with your mates. On the train home, I had to keep saying no to him kissing me because I felt so bad for the people sitting opposite us! He offered to carry my shopping for me. I had three bags. I don't need help with three bags. I know he's trying to be nice, and genuinely to a certain extent, I do like it. But theres about 10% of me that panics whenever stuff like this happens.


Then on top of that 10%, theres another 30% of me thats worried that we're moving way to fast. I mean, I only met him on Tuesday, had my first kiss on Wednesday with him, then by Friday, we're properly making out. I'm not one of these people who thinks that kissing is a big deal, but I know for a fact that he wants to go further. And I'm not ready for that. He says he'll wait though. I've ended up setting myself limits each day, and having to trust myself to not let him go over them. The thing is though, I know for a fact that if we start off kissing then 'get into it' I'll just go with it. Then regret it. 


So I thought that writing this post would make me feel better. It hasn't. Its made me worry more. I'm 16, and I feel like I've just hit how I should have been when I was 10 with boys. I've just got over the "Eww, boys!" stage, and I'm currently in the "N'wah, maybe, I'll let him kiss me..." stage, but I should be in the "Hey, want to come over and watch a 'dvd'...?" stage by now! Notice the quotation marks around 'dvd'. THEY SCARE ME. 


So, I kind of would like peoples opinions on things. Am I being stupid, or sensible? Any tips or advice? I could really do with some help on this one. Bye...