Sunday, 4 September 2011

What 40% of me feels like...

So, as far as I was aware, having a boyfriend is meant to be amazing. And don't get me wrong, I really like him and everything he does, etc... BUT, what happens when said boyfriend is clingy? Very clingy...

So, I've known him for less than a week. I know that we're probably supposed to get to know each other before you go out and stuff, but we clicked, so we started going straight out. So, I saw him on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Thursday, he texted me constantly, saying how it felt like we'd spent weeks apart. I hadn't even known him for three days. Err, what?!

I may have or may not have mentioned it before, but I HATE clingy boys with a passion. I'd rather that they'd ignore me than fuss over me. I don't like the feeling of being trapped. And, sure, I don't feel necessarily 'trapped', just I feel like he likes me a lot more than I like him. For example, when talking about when we were next going to meet up, he sent this : "I'll be ready to meet at a moments notice beautiful! <3"  Now, texts like that, send tremors of fear through commitment phobics, like me. 

Its not just in text form either. The other day, we went out with my friends so that he could meet them. I have to admit, he handled it pretty well, but with exception of the constant displays of affection in public places! Sheesh. He wants to hold hands everywhere! Which I quite like, but is a little bit awkward when you're with your mates. On the train home, I had to keep saying no to him kissing me because I felt so bad for the people sitting opposite us! He offered to carry my shopping for me. I had three bags. I don't need help with three bags. I know he's trying to be nice, and genuinely to a certain extent, I do like it. But theres about 10% of me that panics whenever stuff like this happens.

Then on top of that 10%, theres another 30% of me thats worried that we're moving way to fast. I mean, I only met him on Tuesday, had my first kiss on Wednesday with him, then by Friday, we're properly making out. I'm not one of these people who thinks that kissing is a big deal, but I know for a fact that he wants to go further. And I'm not ready for that. He says he'll wait though. I've ended up setting myself limits each day, and having to trust myself to not let him go over them. The thing is though, I know for a fact that if we start off kissing then 'get into it' I'll just go with it. Then regret it. 

So I thought that writing this post would make me feel better. It hasn't. Its made me worry more. I'm 16, and I feel like I've just hit how I should have been when I was 10 with boys. I've just got over the "Eww, boys!" stage, and I'm currently in the "N'wah, maybe, I'll let him kiss me..." stage, but I should be in the "Hey, want to come over and watch a 'dvd'...?" stage by now! Notice the quotation marks around 'dvd'. THEY SCARE ME. 

So, I kind of would like peoples opinions on things. Am I being stupid, or sensible? Any tips or advice? I could really do with some help on this one. Bye...

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