Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Dear Bassanio...

So, I haven't really done an 'emotional' post in a while, if at all. Therefore this may be a little different from my usually pointless drivel. A couple of days ago, my boyfriend (code named Bassanio) wrote a blog post about me. This is my reply...

So I met my boyfriend a month on Friday. Literally, met. I'd known him about three hours before we started going out. And, to be honest, even though I've known him for so little time, I can't imagine living without him. He's like the perfect fitting jigsaw piece to me.

Even though I've known him for so little time, I've fallen, quite literally, head over heels for him. I feel like I've known him for my entire life, and I love the simplicity of the relationship that we have. I can't help thinking that if I was with anybody else, it wouldn't be nearly this easy. We're still taking things slow though. He's terrified of me running away if he pushes me too fast. There have only been a couple of times when I've needed to stop him, and theres even been a couple of times that he's needed to stop me! He doesn't want me to do anything that I'll regret, and for that, I'm extremely grateful. He's given me patience, and its blissful to be in a relationship with no pressure.

Never before have I felt so close to a boy. Not just physically, but emotionally too. Its like he knows exactly what I'm thinking, not in a creepy way, but in a 'you don't need to explain yourself' sort of way. For the first time in my life, I can just talk, and he gets it. He doesn't ask questions, or demand an explanation for the way I think, he just accepts it. He might think I'm slightly mad, but he accepts it. And I think I'm starting to understand him better too. Our pasts are both out in the open - we've both been hurt in past relationships, and it feels like we understand each other better because of this. 

Simply put, we just 'get' each other. He knows that when he compliments me out of the blue and whispers, "you look beautiful", in my ear at school that I can't help but smile, even though I might try to disguise it. Likewise, I know that he loves it when we're acting'coupley'; I can literally feel him smiling when we're holding hands, or when we make eye contact from across the room. 

I'm petrified that some prettier, smarter girl is going to come along, realise how amazing he is and just take him from me. I can't physically stand to thought of him with some other girl. Its not that I don't trust him; I just don't understand why he chose me. Especially when he's got a line of prettier, smarter and overall perfect girls, queuing up for him. Everytime he goes to a party, I can't help thinking that he's going to get mortal drunk and just forget about me. I'm paranoid, and I know it. 

But slowly, he's peeling back all the protective barriers that I put up to save myself from hurt. Whenever I'm with him, I can feel the negative side of me leaving, and I feel like he's making me a better person. Usually, I can cover it pretty well, but every shadow of doubt that I've ever had vanishes when I'm with him.  Thanks to him, I feel like I'm regaining some of the confidence that I've lost when I've been hurt before. 

Simply put, I love him. Not just for who he is, but who I am when I'm with him. 

And, even though his post was a little, teeny tiny bit better (and longer) than mine, he should know that I love him just as much as he says he loves me (probably a bit more actually)...

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