Paranoid...

So I've had a pretty shit 22 hours as far as boys are concerned. 

So last night, until about 7, my boyfriend came round to mine, which was lovely. But then, not an hour after he left, he messaged me on facebook. He basically spent an hour telling me that we shouldn't spend as much time together because he's worried about me failing school. This is the boy who keeps telling me to stay off when I'm mildly ill, and bunk lessons with him. Confused? So was I.


Then we had the 'sex talk'. Now, as far as I'm concerned, I've made it pretty obvious to him that I'm not ready for that sort of stuff. We've only been seeing each other for a little over two months, and to be honest I don't really want to go that far yet. So why he presumes that I'm almost ready is beyond me. Lately, he's been talking a lot about when we're going to do it, but at the same time saying that he doesn't want to plan it. Apparently the christmas holidays are the best time. If anything, this is putting me off the idea of it more. I don't want him to presume that we're going to do it then. Sure, his friends were having sex by the time they'd been going out for two months, but he's got to get it into his head that I'm not that friend. 


So apparently, even though I'm no longer allowed to see him on weekdays, I'm supposed to be ready for sex a lot earlier than I anticipated. Nice. Whats even more confusing is that at the same time, he's messaging me going "I want you to be sure that you're ready, and that you're not just doing it to make me happy." ...err. 


Another thing that I've just remembered thats annoying me. He's worried that my parents are going to walk in on us while we're doing stuff. So he won't do stuff to me, but will quite happily let me do stuff to him. If you catch my drift. It doesn't annoy me at the time, but a little while after, it starts to get annoying as! I get why last night, just its happened two or three times now, and it always follows the same pattern. I don't usually mind if I'm 'giving' or 'receiving', but its just blatant double standards when he says that we can't, but then we do. Realising that probably made no sense to anyone but me...


Even though I'm not 'allowed' to see him on weekdays anymore, I get the feeling his friends still are. For example, today, I hardly saw him, but when I did, he mentioned that he was at Romeo and Juliet rehearsals after school. An hour later, I saw one of his mates, who implied that he was going to his house after school. Now, the fact that he wants to spend time with his mates doesn't bother me in the slightest, the only time it remotely does is when I get the feeling that his girl mates like him. But since our discussion last night, I don't know what to think. I wouldn't have minded in the slightest if he'd said that he was going round to his mates house, its more the fact that he might have lied to me. 


I know that he probably hasn't lied to me, and that I'm probably just being stupid, but after talking last night, I'm more paranoid than ever. Which I didn't think was possible. Its stupid, suddenly all the confidence that I'd got from being in a relationship, kind of vanished. I was getting better at the whole 'holding hands and kissing in public' sort of thing, but I feel like all thats gone out the window. I don't know why, its frustrating. 


The fact is, I love him, but I don't want to get hurt again. 


So I've just been talking to him now. He never lied to me, I'm just paranoid. I hate feeling like this. 


Another reason why I'm having a bad day. I got hit on today. By a year 9. I'm in year 12. FML. He looked like he was deadly serious too. 


So, yeah I'm sorry about this post. I feel guilty about writing it, I just needed to get a load of shit off my chest, and well this blogs kind of turning into my punch bag. I feel like I annoy my friends when I go on about stuff like this. So yeah, thats all for now, byeee....


p.s. Never, and I mean NEVER tell a girl that you want to make the relationship more 'casual'. Especially if you know she's having a shit week to start with. It will only lead to tears and her thinking that you're dumping her over facebook.