Break...

Well, bloggers, its that time of the year again. One word: EXAMS. I have five coming up in January and I plan to fail all of them. Its quite comical really, I went from getting A*'s at GCSE, to getting U's on every single test I've ever sat at A Level. Wait. No, I told a lie, I once got an E on my psychology mock...


So, in the interest of pushing my grades up, this is the last post I'm going to do on here until after my last exam (the 20th of January, if anyones wondering). If you're that desperate to keep up to date with my ramblings, I just started a tumblr (how much of a hipster am I?). You can find that here. Basically, its easier and quicker to post a couple of pictures than write a whole essay for you to read. Its only until the end of January though, I promise. Then I'll get back to my usual rambling, ranting, boring old self. 


Also, since I'm not going to be posting for a while, I'm going to be nice for a change. A few people have asked me to put my dailybooth back up because they didn't get to see it the first time round. So, until the end of January, when I shall return, you can see what I look like here. 


So, yea, until after my exams, bye....

Creative Writing 2...

So, I'm doing another one of them posts where I show you my homework. Sorry! Don't worry though, its not maths or chemistry or anything boring like that, its creative writing! Yay.... 
so this was a group activity, we're each writing as though we're a different person affected by an earthquake. Sounds cheerful, doesn't it? 

The lift pinged as I stepped out. I was running late, as usual Quickly, I darted to my desk, numerous files, notebooks and folders threatening to slip from my grip, the coffee that I'd just bought balancing precariously on the top. I got to my desk and let out a sigh of relief. It was Friday, only seven more hours until I could leave my mundane desk job and celebrate the start of the weekend. I dropped the files on the desk. I had just sat down when I heard it. The building itself seemed to shake as the low rumble ran its course though the offices; turning faces to shock, surprise and terror, as the noise reached the one by one. My first thought was that the air conditioning must really be playing up today. Everyone elses thoughts seemed to be a little more sinister. People began running in all directions, dropping work across the floor, creating a carpet of paper that the crowds slipped and fell on, causing even more panic. 
I got slowly to my feet, a frown etched across my forehead. Why was everyone making such a fuss? I dropped my coffee as the second growl ripped its was across the floor. Well, it was safe to say that it wasn't the air conditioning. Ignoring the mess that the coffee had made, I grabbed my phone and made for the lift. 
The floor was almost empty now, those too impatient must have gone down the stairs. As I turned the corner, there was a queue of about eight people waiting for the lift, all looking as confused as I was. The door pinged familiarly as I reached it, and we all just about managed to squeeze into the claustrophobic space.
The door shut, sealing us from the outside world. Creeping slowly down the many floors, we all looked worried. I had to admit, I would be happy to see solid ground again. Sixteen floors to go. Fifteen, now. Fourteen. At thirteen, we stopped. The doors opened to show more confused faces, which quickly changed to disappointment as they realised just how full the lift was, many turning towards the stairs. The doors shut. Twelve. Eleven. Ten. Nine. Eight...
We never made it to seven. The lift shuddered to a stop as the third ground shattering tremor hit. The cables that kept us from dropping back to earth creaked threateningly. We were forced to grab onto each other as the lift lurched back and forward, from one side to another. 
Realisation seemed to hit us one by one. I could hear screams from both above and below us, but none coming from directly outside the door. So here I was, in the middle of an earthquake, stuck somewhere between floors seven and eight. 
All screams stopped and a deathly silence made us all to aware of what was about happen. As the fourth, and final tremor hit, we dropped. 


So, what do you guys think? I'm off to bed, so yeah. Byeee.....

January...

Why, hello there! I'm surprised you're even reading this, considering that I haven't posted in so long! Tut, tut, inconsistent blogging. So, a rather quick post today, because, well, I'm tired...

January. So, I've mentioned before that last January, I had a bit of a rough time. I've never really told anyone about this, not even my really, really close friends, so this is kind of a big deal. Last January, I was kind of in a bad place. I'm trying to do this without it sounding really cliche, but I'm failing slightly. 

In about June 2010, I was screwed over by my old friends. I'd considered them my best friends for about six years, and suddenly, they wanted nothing to do with me. I'm going to admit, it hurt. I suddenly found myself without many friends, and thinking that anyone who tried to be my friend was going to hurt me. Nice, right? I spent about 3 months not talking at all during school, and eating my lunch in the art rooms, on my own. 

Over that summer, I made new friends. And, well, I love them all to bits, and couldn't live without them. I started to trust people a bit more, and I became a little bit more confident in school. 

In January, I kind of took a step backwards. I was having a rough time in lessons, I was starting to get paranoid that my friends were going behind my back and stuff and to be honest, I was in a shit mood constantly. I don't think I've ever cried as much as I did in January. Literally it was every night, I would cry myself to sleep. Its hard to explain, but things started to pile up in my head. One little paranoid thought would lead to a mountain of really unlikely scenarios, which I would convince myself were going to happen. I would go for days without eating in order to get control over something. I contemplated suicide. It sounds stupid writing it out like this, but at the time I was completely overwhelmed. 

It took me a while to get back to my 'normal' self. I've still got a couple of issues that I'm sorting out. The eating things a big one. I still can't eat in front of people that I don't trust, which is ridiculously annoying! I hate it when I think people are looking at me, or talking about me - it just makes me paranoid. I hate not feeling included in something. If someone says something like "Do you think tha- Oh, never mind...", I can't let it go. I have to know exactly what people are thinking around me. 

So, yeah, thats basically what happened in January. 

If anyone from my school is reading this (I know a few people found my blog via my boyfriend's), please do me a huge favour and don't tell anyone? I don't really fancy the idea the whole school knowing this...thanks. 

Sorry for the depressing nature of this post. I promise I'll do something a little bit more like my usual self next time. For now, byeeeeee.....

17 Reasons...

So, todays is my boyfriends birthday. I kind of directed him here through his birthday card, so he's probably going to be reading this, everyone else can zone out now...


Well, this is kind of part of your birthday present, since you keep going on at me to blog more! ;)


17 Reasons I Love You


1. You write amazing blog posts that give me butterflies, especially the ones where you talk about us. Thats why I make such a big deal when you change the url and don't tell me.


2. You put up with having me as a girlfriend. That in itself must take a good amount of patience.


3. Your hair. Enough said, really.


4. The jokes that you tell that I pretend to find totally un-hilarious, but inside, I'm dying to burst out laughing.


5. The fact that you care more about my school grades than your own wants. That means a lot.


6. You're willing to wait. You want whats best for us, not what everyone else says.


7. Deep down you're a huge, huge nerd, but you somehow manage to cover it quite well. Apart from the fact that you're obviously cheating on me with your english teacher, that kind of gives away the game...


8. That I will always be able to kick your ass at poker.


9. How I've only known you for less that 3 months, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. I've never felt so comfortable around anyone, ever.


10. How I can tell you anything without the fear of being laughed at, or you taking it the wrong way.


11.  That I end up loving you more and more, each time I see you.


12. How you put up with the constant beard, height and other jokes that everyone seems to make. Three words: "That sounds familiar...". As you can tell, I'm really quite proud of that one.


13. Your 'sensual' voice. Not my words, your english teacher's. 


14. The annoying fact that you're right 99.8% of the time.


15. The cute notes that you make your brother and sister give me when you're off school. Yeah, they make me smile. A lot.


16. How you can cheer me up, even when I'm in the worst moods known to mankind.


17. I just love you. End of. 




So, yea, Happy Birthday! As you can tell, I so love you more! ;)

Creative Writing...

So, I've recovered after my little 'emotional overspill', as one of my friends called it earlier. Last week, I had my first creative writing lesson. Its weird going back to english after about 5 months of only doing maths and science based subjects. As you've probably gathered, I love english, but as a student, I present quite a dilemma to who ever has to mark my writing. I'm apparently quite good at writing, but I go about it the wrong way. If this makes any sense. You know how everyone has a voice in their head that sort of tells them what to write? No, I'm not mad. Well, the voice in my head, which dictates what I write, like to think of itself as humorous. Which is in someways good, but in someways bad. Like last year, my english teacher totally got my sense of humour, so I got pretty damn good grades, but my english teacher before that constantly gave me c's. Can you imagine what I was like in the exam? For two months, I was literally praying that the marker would have a decent sense of humour. 


So anyway, for my homework, I had to write a couple of paragraphs of a memoir. I hate writing memoirs. So, I'm stealing the idea from my boyfriends blog and posting my homework up on here. I got a bit carried away; its way longer than a few paragraphs, more like an essay if I'm being honest, so if you're not interested, zone out now...

The Beach

Most people say, “Oh, I wish we live by the beach! It must be so relaxing! I would go everyday!” Its a shame that most of them have never been to the north east, or have even seen the weather forecast for Newcastle. The weather in this lovely little part of the North East could be described as ‘unpredictable’, and on average it rains for 132.6 days per year. Not exactly beach weather, I think you’ll agree? Still, we “Geordies” will insist on sunbathing in the seven degree summer when it comes round, even if it means lying under an umbrella.

One particularly cold and wintry summer, we were blessed with what the weatherman promised would be, “ an unusually pleasant day, with little chance of rain”. Considering that it was in the third or forth week of the summer holidays, and so far we had had gale force winds, rain and possibly snow, I was reasonably pleased with this sudden change in weather. Practically falling out of bed in excitement, I grabbed my phone and began frantically texting four of my closest friends, in what could only be described as grammatically incorrect gibberish. We arranged to meet at twelve o’clock right in the middle of town. That gave me just enough time to wash my hair; find clothes; iron clothes; dry hair; straighten hair; put on clothes; change my mind about clothes; change clothes and pack a beach bag. Sorted.

I met the girls at quarter to one. It turned out hat we’d all overestimated our ability to get ready in less than two hours and all ended up stumbling into the town centre after either an unanticipated jog or, at its least, very brisk walk. We all looked as though we had been dragged through own individual hedge’s backwards, so before we went anywhere, we had a little impromptu visit to Costa to sort our hair out and get a couple of iced coffees for the walk down to the beach.  

The beach itself was, and still is to this day, a two mile strip of golden sand that gradually gets darker the closer to the grey sea you get. Over one side of the beach there is a dull, concrete pier, on which fishermen sit, constantly whipping fishing lines back and forth. Jagged rocks and cliffs line both sides of the sand, creating a block for the wind and the impression of a secluded little cove. Today, though, the dark sea lapped threateningly at the rocks, like a clawed hand trying to pull itself out of the icy water.  There were quite a few people on the beach, the usual array of dog walkers and mad, idiot surfers (honestly, you see them in winter sometimes); but with the addition of sunbathers who had managed to fill the entire two mile beach with what looked like a patchwork quilt made of beach towels. Most of them had undoubtedly seen the same weather report as I had, many of them quoting it as we walked passed.

“Can you believe this unexpected change in weather?”

“No, I can’t quite believe it! So unpredictable isn’t it?”

I couldn’t help but agree. We found a rare space at the far end of the beach, just enough room for five towels without the need to overhear everything the family next to us was saying. We sat around for the next few hours, not doing anything particularly interesting: listened to some music, read some magazines, general talking, the occasional paddle before coming to the conclusion that the water was about minus seven degrees. Not the most pleasurable of swimming temperatures. We had just started the disposable barbecue (burgers and chicken), when the first signs of trouble started. The previously clear blue sky began to cloud over into a mass of towering dark grey, casting a shadow across the entire length of the beach. People began to leave. We glanced nervously at each other, saying nothing, but concentrating on cooking the chicken properly.  

        Minutes ticked by, and we thought that maybe, maybe we would hit lucky.

No such luck. 

We had just settled down to a burger each, when it started. The familiar, steady pitter patter of rain droplets sounded on the sand around us. We all looked at each others, absolutely livid. Typical. 

I'm aware that its pretty shit. So, what do you guys think? Considering that I haven't wrote anything 'properly' in a good few months, I'm reasonably pleased with myself. So yeah, chemistry test tomorrow. Bricking it, doesn't even cover it. Byeee....

Paranoid...

So I've had a pretty shit 22 hours as far as boys are concerned. 

So last night, until about 7, my boyfriend came round to mine, which was lovely. But then, not an hour after he left, he messaged me on facebook. He basically spent an hour telling me that we shouldn't spend as much time together because he's worried about me failing school. This is the boy who keeps telling me to stay off when I'm mildly ill, and bunk lessons with him. Confused? So was I.


Then we had the 'sex talk'. Now, as far as I'm concerned, I've made it pretty obvious to him that I'm not ready for that sort of stuff. We've only been seeing each other for a little over two months, and to be honest I don't really want to go that far yet. So why he presumes that I'm almost ready is beyond me. Lately, he's been talking a lot about when we're going to do it, but at the same time saying that he doesn't want to plan it. Apparently the christmas holidays are the best time. If anything, this is putting me off the idea of it more. I don't want him to presume that we're going to do it then. Sure, his friends were having sex by the time they'd been going out for two months, but he's got to get it into his head that I'm not that friend. 


So apparently, even though I'm no longer allowed to see him on weekdays, I'm supposed to be ready for sex a lot earlier than I anticipated. Nice. Whats even more confusing is that at the same time, he's messaging me going "I want you to be sure that you're ready, and that you're not just doing it to make me happy." ...err. 


Another thing that I've just remembered thats annoying me. He's worried that my parents are going to walk in on us while we're doing stuff. So he won't do stuff to me, but will quite happily let me do stuff to him. If you catch my drift. It doesn't annoy me at the time, but a little while after, it starts to get annoying as! I get why last night, just its happened two or three times now, and it always follows the same pattern. I don't usually mind if I'm 'giving' or 'receiving', but its just blatant double standards when he says that we can't, but then we do. Realising that probably made no sense to anyone but me...


Even though I'm not 'allowed' to see him on weekdays anymore, I get the feeling his friends still are. For example, today, I hardly saw him, but when I did, he mentioned that he was at Romeo and Juliet rehearsals after school. An hour later, I saw one of his mates, who implied that he was going to his house after school. Now, the fact that he wants to spend time with his mates doesn't bother me in the slightest, the only time it remotely does is when I get the feeling that his girl mates like him. But since our discussion last night, I don't know what to think. I wouldn't have minded in the slightest if he'd said that he was going round to his mates house, its more the fact that he might have lied to me. 


I know that he probably hasn't lied to me, and that I'm probably just being stupid, but after talking last night, I'm more paranoid than ever. Which I didn't think was possible. Its stupid, suddenly all the confidence that I'd got from being in a relationship, kind of vanished. I was getting better at the whole 'holding hands and kissing in public' sort of thing, but I feel like all thats gone out the window. I don't know why, its frustrating. 


The fact is, I love him, but I don't want to get hurt again. 


So I've just been talking to him now. He never lied to me, I'm just paranoid. I hate feeling like this. 


Another reason why I'm having a bad day. I got hit on today. By a year 9. I'm in year 12. FML. He looked like he was deadly serious too. 


So, yeah I'm sorry about this post. I feel guilty about writing it, I just needed to get a load of shit off my chest, and well this blogs kind of turning into my punch bag. I feel like I annoy my friends when I go on about stuff like this. So yeah, thats all for now, byeee....


p.s. Never, and I mean NEVER tell a girl that you want to make the relationship more 'casual'. Especially if you know she's having a shit week to start with. It will only lead to tears and her thinking that you're dumping her over facebook.  

Dailybooth...

So I promised a few weeks ago that I'd show you guys my dailybooth. This post is only going to be up for 24 hours, before I delete it and go back to my anonymous self. So make the most of it! My dailybooth can be found here. You have 24 hours. Time starts NOW.


Mwahaha! Your time is up! Sorry guys, but I'm back to my anonymous self again.