Sunday, 4 March 2012

I'm back...

So, I've had a little break from blogging. Sorry. I know you all must have missed me dreadfully, but I promise I'm back. So for the past month I've been coping with what can only be called the 'post-breakup cycle'. So in this post I'm going to outline the stages that I went though after I broke up with the boy I was in love with, and hopefully give you some tips, just incase any of you happen to be unfortunate enough to go through with it.

Stage 1
The "I'm going to be forever alone, and live with 37 cats, who will eventually eat me as I die a slow, painful, lonely death" stage. No over exaggeration. This lasted for about two days for me, but I can easily see why for some people it can last months. It feels good to feel sorry for yourself. To be honest, straight after a break up, you just want to feel loved by someone, which is why I guess most people go out and buy cats. Ironically, cats are probably the least loving animals ever. Anyway, during this stage, you want to curl up under your duvet and sob into a supersize tub of Ben and Jerry ice cream. I have tried and tested this, and I can confirm that Ben and Jerry can seriously help you in this period. To get out of stage 1, you have got to find some normality. I only dated the guy for six months, but I suppose it would be harder if you've been with each other for years. To get me out of this phase, my friends took me shopping, the day after we broke up. It worked. Don't let yourself get into a rut.

Stage 2
The "I want to block him out of my life forever and never look at his face again" stage. This is quite a nice phase, as you feel as if you're actually doing something to combat the pain you're feeling. Removing everything that reminds you of them from your room; the photos on the wall, the love notes, the teddy bear, his clothes. I currently have a shoe box in the bottom of my wardrobe filled with everything that reminds me of him, it barely shut. It feels much better not being reminded of him everytime I look around my room. Then you've got to sort out your computer. I had A LOT of pictures of us on my laptop. I'm talking around 100 images of us hugging, kissing and being generally cute, that my computer would not let me mass delete. I had to wait a couple of weeks before I could click on them each individually and click delete. That took strength. Similarly, we broke up the week before valentines day, and I'd made a playlist that I was going to give to him. It was saved on my laptop as "Our songs". The album artwork was pictures of us. I still haven't had the courage to listen to the songs again. This phase takes a while to get out of. Depending on how long you were in a relationship, you'll keep noticing little things that remind you of them. Its been nearly a month and I still find things; just yesterday, I found a picture of us saved on my phone. To get out of this phase I'd suggest either one of two things, depending on the terms that you are on with your ex. If you had a nice breakup, you can still talk and are friends then look at the photos, notes and everything, at least you'll address that it was good while it lasted. If it was a bad breakup, feel free to burn them to he ground.

Stage 3
The "I can do so much better than that utter arse hole, I'll show him" stage. This stage is quite fun. Its also quite entertaining if you're still on speaking terms. For example, I still talk to my ex, and the first time I saw him since we broke up was at school, a week later. In the space of a week, I bought the shortest shorts I could find, dyed my hair brunette and made sure that I looked pretty damn fine. His expression was priceless. Flirt with other guys, and revel in the attention that you'll get. I'm not saying act like a slut, but I'm saying show that you can get another guy just as easily and that its his loss. In the month since we broke up I've had five offers of dates, and declined them all. I'm more confident than ever.

Stage 4
The "I can't do this on my own, I need him back and I'll do anything to get him back" stage. This can crop up at anytime. I still get occasional moments of this, but they're getting more and more infrequent. You need to accept that you broke up. It took me quite a while to accept it totally and for about a week and a half I tried constantly to get him back. My only advice is that no matter how much you feel the need to text him, or call him, go with your gut instinct. Everyone told me not to text him, but sometimes you feel so helpless that you just have to. In a way this is good, I talked to my ex and realised that he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. It hurt like a bitch, and it felt like my heart had been smashed all over again, but after you can finally move on. If you don't text, you're always going to wonder, but if you do text, you're risking breaking your heart all over again. Use your own judgement on this one.

Stage 5
The "I'm actually single again, this is odd" stage. I suppose it'll be stranger the longer you were in a relationship, but it does feel weird no matter how long the relationship was. Its little things that have altered your personality while you were together vanish, and its like returning to a long lost friend. For example, when I was single, I was flirtatious. I mean VERY flirtatious. When I entered a relationship I had to turn that down loads, and when I became single, I found myself automatically flirting with any guy who showed interest. It scared me at first but then I remembered that I used to be like that all the time. I'm taking full advantage of it. Actually being single is strange as well. Realising that they probably don't think about you when hey go to sleep anymore, and they don't text you as soon as they wake up, it kind of hurts to start with. You've just got to remember that its not the first time you've been single, and if you could find happiness when you were previously single, then you can find it again.

So there are the five stages that I went though when I broke up with my last boyfriend. I hope that none of you ever have to go through these, but odds are not in our favour! Just remember, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince...


  1. isnt moulding yourself into exactly what your ex wanted sort of counter intuitive? doesn't really sound like getting over him, seems to be more like desperately clinging on? xx

  2. I'm not advertising 'moulding yourself' to fit your ex, I'm saying make yourself confident, and show the world that they're the one missing out. I'm not saying that everyone should deal with it exactly how I did, but personally, I'd wanted to dye my hair for a while anyway, and I was going to buy the shorts anyway as they're quite fashionable. All I'm saying is that being single provided me with a push to do things to make myself feel better, not to necessarily please my ex, but to please me. It just so happened that his preferences were similar.
    When you're newly single, you want to be confident, and for me, that involved a couple of changes, theres nothing wrong with that. xx