Bonjour...

So hello again! My final exam is on Friday, so after then you should start to hear a bit more frequently from me again. I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about my future and stuff like that. Its kind of strange, I have no (and I mean zilch, not even an inkling) idea what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I know exactly where I want to get married, where I want my kids to go to school, and other little trivial things that are probably never going to happen...

University has to be one of my biggest worries at the moment. Two years ago, according to my school, I was a serious Oxbridge candidate. I got my predicted grades on my GCSE's (not the best, but above average) and the school was pushing me to do arts, english and other writing type subjects. I ignored them. Now I'm stuck doing four AS levels that I not only hate, but also failing quite spectacularly. Anyone know any universities that accept U's in chemistry? If so, get in touch. I hate failing. And whats worse is that everyone else seems to be doing fine! My friends have always been smarter than me, and up to now its only bothered me a little bit, but now its ridiculous! Last year I was only say a few marks lower than them; now, they're on A's and I'm on U's! Its kind of depressing.


I don't see how I'm going to get into university with my crappy predicted grades. I have the horrible suspicion that if I don't get into uni, I'll be stuck in a crappy office job, never make enough money to support the lifestyle that I want, never be happy, and be constantly depressed. I have the horrible feeling that if I don't get into uni, I'll loose all my friends, my family will see me as a failure, and I'll spend the rest of my life drinking vodka down back alleys, attempting to drown my sorrows about how much of a failure I am.


I'm sick of feeling like a failure.


So instead of going off to uni after my A Levels, I was thinking of doing a gap year. I know its a little way in the future still, but I'm one of these people who likes to plan things in advance. And, anyway, its kind of giving me something to look forward to after the next one and a half years of hell that I've still got to endure.


One of the main ideas I'm thinking about doing is becoming an Au Pair. For those who don't know an au pair is like a live-in baby sitter type person. The cool thing is though, I could get a placement anywhere I want; Paris, New York, Venice, anywhere! The way its works is I would look after kids for a couple of nights a week, and get the rest of the time to chill in Paris or wherever! Pretty cool, huh? As I'd stay with one family, they'd have to provide my accommodation, my food, everything like that, and they also have to give me pocket money! Its like being an extra member of a family! Can you tell I'm kind of excited about that one...?


I really want to travel the world. Pick a random country, take loads of photos, then go to a different country! The thing is, and I'm aware that this is going to sound like sentimental mush, but I really want something that I can look back on with my kids one day and tell them all the cool things I did as a teenager. How dumb is that? I want to be able to sit down with them one day, look through all my old scrapbooks and be like, "...and heres where I lived in Paris...oh, and this is me in Tokyo..." You get the idea.


I'm currently sat in chemistry, supposed to be learning about 'chromatography'. Good lord, its boring. I've come to the conclusion that I'll do the presentation that I'm supposed to be making at home and blog a bit now. 


So yeah, gap years. I really just want to get away from here, and go live somewhere or travel somewhere where I don't really know anyone and have a bit of an adventure. I'm thinking I might get a job sometime soon and start saving up. Looking on the 'official' type websites, the organised trips aren't exactly cheap. Its about £1000 for one week long trips. Thats kind of a conumdrum if I want to do more than one, isn't it?


At the moment, I'm thinking the ones to Canada look pretty awesome, its all hiking and trekking and stuff like that. Mind, so do the ones in south America, in the rainforests, and the one in Kenya on safaris, and the ones in China and Japan...


So, at the moment, the plan is, To be an au pair for a french family throughout the school year, then in summer, and in my holidays, go on a couple of trips to adventurous places. Sounds good, oui?